Saturday, December 22, 2012

There are no words...

I keep picturing a Christmas present wrapped in festive paper and bright ribbon sitting under a Christmas tree, a constant reminder that the person the gift was meant for will not be here to open it. 

But moving it seems unacceptable. 
Moving it would be admitting that they're really gone.

Soon, if the family can even bear to celebrate Christmas at all, that gift will be the only one left under the tree.

And when it comes time for the sad task of putting the decorations away and taking down the tree, that family will have to decide the fate of that unclaimed gift. 

Whenever I put my kids to bed, I picture an empty bed in Connecticut where a child should be, and the deep anguish of parents who will never have a bed time routine with their little one again. 

I wish I could turn my heart off.
I am literally unable to stop thinking about all of this loss.
I feel too deeply empathetic and it breaks my heart daily. 
I keep thinking of what's ahead for all the families who lost someone this year, and I re-live my loss because of it.

Though I'm too distressed to feel this truth right now, and though I don't pretend to know why God allows terrible things to happen, the only comfort I know to be real is that He is a loving Father who loves you so much that He didn't even spare His own Son for YOU. And that His Son has defeated death forever. And that He knows your agony first hand and He desperately wants to comfort you in your grief.