tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20262355181758078882024-03-05T12:26:42.916-08:00Genevieve C. West Writer | Creator | Extrovert | Urban Socialite | Divorcée | SAHM x4 Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comBlogger98125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-3756382317145551342022-06-10T13:48:00.001-07:002022-06-10T13:48:51.148-07:00You Made Love Leave<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5XjQQFXTRxtePBcEVJxdVgDGqTQB_yme9Ob6ZHhAmYDC6bbVQcSVRJnUHubhR9ML35YXcIGAFwiRlEjO8GXEBfzII6NNcn-C8Sv27wXG-hbtSJB6nh7YJgW9GZ6bfFH4SU71BjiKvIfZ5_L2k_XEv0Hdij44MpXjEZS-6iq0tTKvdhwP343szVwui/s1440/0C0E996D-84B4-4A1A-9662-67FD8018FE70.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5XjQQFXTRxtePBcEVJxdVgDGqTQB_yme9Ob6ZHhAmYDC6bbVQcSVRJnUHubhR9ML35YXcIGAFwiRlEjO8GXEBfzII6NNcn-C8Sv27wXG-hbtSJB6nh7YJgW9GZ6bfFH4SU71BjiKvIfZ5_L2k_XEv0Hdij44MpXjEZS-6iq0tTKvdhwP343szVwui/s320/0C0E996D-84B4-4A1A-9662-67FD8018FE70.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">She poured every ounce of her soul into loving you. She would have stood by you and loved you forever. </span></div><p></p><p>But you couldn’t take it. Pure Love was too much for you. But instead of finding healing for yourself to be able to accept Love, you left her.</p><p>You left her for years. Decades even. You left her in a thousand little ways every single day. You left her in such big, undoable ways that no one would have blamed her for leaving you back. But she stayed. And is he loved hard enough to make up for what you couldn’t give.</p><p>She stayed because that’s what Love does. She turned towards you because that’s what Love does. She held you while you confessed and cried because that’s what Love does. She saw her partner in distress and she loved you and she stayed. </p><p>And in repayment for her affection and steadfastness, you made her cry. You broke her heart. You broke your vows. You broke your home. You broke your promises. You broke her hope. </p><p>You didn’t believe you could be so thoroughly loved. You were always waiting for Love to leave you like everyone else did. You needed to prove yourself right and so kept pushing her away by your choices. When she needed you, you left her in a thousand little ways over and over again every single day. As she was choosing you, reaching for you, you were choosing to turn your back to her and step just out of reach.</p><p>You slammed the door in Love’s face. Over and over again. You made sure to break trust so thoroughly so many times that even Love couldn’t take it anymore eventually. </p><p>Love was so lonely and needed to be reminded that she was also worthy of love. So after decades of turning towards you while you pushed her away, Love finally turned away from that door you had slammed in her face to see what she could see. </p><p>That’s when you dealt the final blow. As if finally choosing to love herself was the proof you were always looking for that she, too would leave you. </p><p>And you burned the house down on your way out when you broke the hearts of your babies by leaving them, too. You needed to show your children that Love would leave them too. Because that’s how generational trauma works. You made Love leave. </p><p><br /></p>Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-48438054461116378012022-06-02T22:19:00.002-07:002022-06-04T09:09:55.660-07:00Let It Burn<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZaSfcfLHXWQF3dtlrM8sFdQqO5zIW8AHWqsGFwgWJN3mNGdR4OgmjTBwzp_JVbLi4sAzh7O9YZNgESVOPdWPAL5cOlk1wkLn0_UQV-P3kZjTN4cs_Qvr8aPv3356lXsuHEKRqQWiQBgy1wO9hRM_lMqamwYS9J4iKQ7XQF8NMGDSSPDkX2toCZZIH/s4032/DD7D725E-BEC4-44BB-84ED-6B00A34216A5.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZaSfcfLHXWQF3dtlrM8sFdQqO5zIW8AHWqsGFwgWJN3mNGdR4OgmjTBwzp_JVbLi4sAzh7O9YZNgESVOPdWPAL5cOlk1wkLn0_UQV-P3kZjTN4cs_Qvr8aPv3356lXsuHEKRqQWiQBgy1wO9hRM_lMqamwYS9J4iKQ7XQF8NMGDSSPDkX2toCZZIH/w150-h200/DD7D725E-BEC4-44BB-84ED-6B00A34216A5.jpeg" width="150" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>It’s official. The divorce is final. </p><p>I am untethered. </p><p>No longer a wife. No longer a “Mrs.”</p><p>No longer able to afford to stay home with the kids. </p><p>No longer able to look forward to being an empty nester who finally gets to put herself first.</p><p>No longer picturing sitting on the porch in the morning with coffee and the husband of my youth.</p><p>I am adrift.</p><p>I float through several days of sobbing and drinking and not getting out of bed and not wanting to go home and forgetting to feed myself and overeating and sleeping too much and not being able to sleep.</p><p>I send regretful text messages compulsively, knowing I shouldn’t. Knowing I should practice self care rather than lashing out. But I ignore my wiser, saner voice and send them all anyway. </p><p>I am flailing. I am suffering. And I do not go quietly. </p><p>I do not apologize for saying out loud what I’ve been keeping secret for years.What do I have to lose now? Not my marriage. That’s been lost. </p><p>Exhausted from days or weeks or years or decades of wallowing and grieving and raging and crying, I crumple into the bed that he used to sleep in, I squeeze my eyes shut, and I finally <i>breathe</i>. </p><p>Curled up into myself, I place a hand on my belly and the other on my chest, and I finally make myself still. </p><p>Stillness is the scariest thing to face when every cell in my body is wailing and mourning for a future that will never be, for the broken home, broken promises, broken trust, broken vows, and the broken hearts of my babies. </p><p>But I will myself to be still. To hear the quiet. To keep breathing.</p><p>I go into myself and ask, “What do I need?”</p><p>“Power,” my inside me answers. “A casting off of what no longer serves me. Purification. For the old to make way for the new. Release. The shedding of layers of who I used to be. Set free. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”</p><p>“What happens now?”</p><p>“Fire. Cut it off. Burn it.” </p><p>I get out my phone and make an appointment to get my hair cut the following morning. </p><p><br /></p><p>“Just a trim?” Hannah asks, playing with my long hair. Hannah has been cutting Great Grandma’s hair for decades and the whole family goes to her. She’s an older Asian woman who always made me egg rolls whenever I was pregnant. </p><p>“No. Cut it all off,” I say. Hannah looks at me in the mirror, shocked. “My divorce is final. I need to cut my hair off.”</p><p>A wise Knowing replaces Hannah’s unsure expression. She nods and picks up a straight razor. </p><p>“I cut my hair when I’m angry,” She says quietly. “I know what you need.” And she proceeds to pull my hair into her left hand and starts attacking it with the blade in her right until my past is in a pile on the floor.</p><p></p><p>Hannah hands me a plain brown gift bag. I kneel down and pick the hair up off the floor. I expect it to be a messy process, but it all stays together in one tidy handful, as if it were expecting the next part of its journey. I place it in the bag and I say goodbye to Hannah. </p><p><br /></p><p>That night at a speakeasy-esque house party, I mention to Micaela that the hair is in the car and I plan to burn it. She tells me there’s a fire in the backyard. I retrieve the bag of hair and she gathers my people.</p><p>Ka Shawna, Amanda, Kim, Micaela, and I sit by the fire, and I look around at the amazing women who surround me, supporting me, loving me.</p><p>I take a breath, take a moment, and place the bag into the flames. </p><p>I wish I remembered the beautiful and profound words that were spoken by those women during that ritual, but they must have just been meant for that night, for that ceremony, around a stranger’s fire pit, with jazz music drifting from the house. </p><p>I watch the bag burn, and my pain and my past and my hopes are the embers being lifted by the wind. </p><p>It is finished. </p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMJBfHcAxgGolXFt_0wEs3Dp7gXSl7zZ-mCU-cUMF8YyaFCDRVJ1ZTgIsooTNxYU8OWw3EX_g1FWlInkoeWE_CQrMvUeSSoPDw7vl6Hx9DOzZV73i5xLLa_5l547Q6iNJFbvTaZWXqLsnobu6WbXenPk9TY243ShKXthBUw9t8FSQPMTEF1NXcsD04/s1117/3D4E8758-20D2-467C-99D1-BCCF6A65BFF7.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1117" data-original-width="837" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMJBfHcAxgGolXFt_0wEs3Dp7gXSl7zZ-mCU-cUMF8YyaFCDRVJ1ZTgIsooTNxYU8OWw3EX_g1FWlInkoeWE_CQrMvUeSSoPDw7vl6Hx9DOzZV73i5xLLa_5l547Q6iNJFbvTaZWXqLsnobu6WbXenPk9TY243ShKXthBUw9t8FSQPMTEF1NXcsD04/s320/3D4E8758-20D2-467C-99D1-BCCF6A65BFF7.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo credit: <a href="https://www.upbeacon.com/article/2022/04/opinion-veritas-vos-liberabit" target="_blank">Mary Markham</a> </td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p><br /></p>Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-19953751321734960022022-06-02T10:13:00.007-07:002022-06-05T15:57:15.931-07:00From Unhappily Married to Happily Unmarried<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWRym1EhFMEM61usLlfA5uFAN8UpY0oApoOUu4RtXqQEpCt6Ybqqa_PpEz2Y5KlwsSWS6GflFYKa8CRWSqPU8d1k3DVhy50cchFiY8aV7gsLn24ZlP-xKeyBEUIov1sLshM04NFBYjbfrwdt_TnQuQK2ZV7hoRirhaMX71hDgXwPlbBBIEPRIdVb6K/s1440/3F9651EC-D88A-4E80-AB10-D594B9F5321A.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWRym1EhFMEM61usLlfA5uFAN8UpY0oApoOUu4RtXqQEpCt6Ybqqa_PpEz2Y5KlwsSWS6GflFYKa8CRWSqPU8d1k3DVhy50cchFiY8aV7gsLn24ZlP-xKeyBEUIov1sLshM04NFBYjbfrwdt_TnQuQK2ZV7hoRirhaMX71hDgXwPlbBBIEPRIdVb6K/s320/3F9651EC-D88A-4E80-AB10-D594B9F5321A.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p><b>The End Of An Era</b></p><p>2006-2022</p><p>After 15 years of marriage, Eric and Genevieve are now officially divorced. </p><p>Just as their marriage began surrounded by loved ones, the former couple hopes to end their marriage with the support of loved ones as well.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbVbZH83nWKRMXTfSVfYlyr5rXHZKzJk5NU1Lfj3E_jJ1DR0Tn4MI8JA9FJhme8SeZhuGHxfWqyer_yre7YvrwRStSFCuI_uDXL5K4BDt5bS9wOPZeba3vgc7JhsNlZ9yoLq_fyMInSnEzmpIvs6SusoVK_f_beiXnFfNkqM4Q-od8VNRdWjZFW5l2/s1440/7CB824B3-0FC5-4923-8C0C-A7A1C6540599.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbVbZH83nWKRMXTfSVfYlyr5rXHZKzJk5NU1Lfj3E_jJ1DR0Tn4MI8JA9FJhme8SeZhuGHxfWqyer_yre7YvrwRStSFCuI_uDXL5K4BDt5bS9wOPZeba3vgc7JhsNlZ9yoLq_fyMInSnEzmpIvs6SusoVK_f_beiXnFfNkqM4Q-od8VNRdWjZFW5l2/w200-h200/7CB824B3-0FC5-4923-8C0C-A7A1C6540599.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p><b>Celebrate Life. </b></p><p>Humans come together to acknowledge and celebrate every other momentous event, such as birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, even funerals, so why not divorce too? </p><p>We chose to throw a joint divorce party together to signal to our friends and families that divorce is happening, that our divorce is amicable, that they don’t need to choose sides, and to announce to the world that life is changing for the West family! </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwYVm9dg8kofFuL3ez7MAtups64yXG9QiejILbE3AeyhBEz1J2zx7CzkcdS9Y3hSjaFnPGVGCsfITbJsudtc-RMMOsG6L0d7FHhVHG7_THRHuRTk1EiD4uGNlGMAoyFbX67GBYwoNJ7jPx7pQA_E9jBk_koRqdEdFBkw7-SgIyJJ1Mdxc8tjiw7GQA/s1440/935D334A-2FC7-49D4-83D3-0D2A3ACAF5FA.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwYVm9dg8kofFuL3ez7MAtups64yXG9QiejILbE3AeyhBEz1J2zx7CzkcdS9Y3hSjaFnPGVGCsfITbJsudtc-RMMOsG6L0d7FHhVHG7_THRHuRTk1EiD4uGNlGMAoyFbX67GBYwoNJ7jPx7pQA_E9jBk_koRqdEdFBkw7-SgIyJJ1Mdxc8tjiw7GQA/w200-h200/935D334A-2FC7-49D4-83D3-0D2A3ACAF5FA.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><b><br /></b><p></p><p><b>Setting Intentions.</b></p><p>A combined divorce party sets the intention of the type of divorce we’re envisioning. While I can only hope to achieve the co-parenting relationship that <a href="https://momsoftampa.com/" target="_blank">@momsoftampa</a> have with their blended families, Eric and I have agreed that we will always put the kids first. And we make a good team! Divorce should not change</p><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQDwQV9Ux2uxvTCFLF-825nRlU5qpKlYIZdSmm1fPCXZia0-_xNrQ5G0thKA7ggy1tYhvv-fMCU8Vinmj6XICCIEQO4cJD-bHQN8j7kO7nU9NKD4D1YeUE5x-s59EP0B7_xOXUMYWirLMRDzd3dNEt4HvTO9pivo9Zuv1pUjVUOIg3_jhj4BxU2pYl/s1440/D442A40B-566E-4F7D-B68F-2B5DC6F07DDD.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1439" data-original-width="1440" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQDwQV9Ux2uxvTCFLF-825nRlU5qpKlYIZdSmm1fPCXZia0-_xNrQ5G0thKA7ggy1tYhvv-fMCU8Vinmj6XICCIEQO4cJD-bHQN8j7kO7nU9NKD4D1YeUE5x-s59EP0B7_xOXUMYWirLMRDzd3dNEt4HvTO9pivo9Zuv1pUjVUOIg3_jhj4BxU2pYl/w200-h200/D442A40B-566E-4F7D-B68F-2B5DC6F07DDD.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><b><br /></b><p></p><p><b>Bird Nesting. </b></p><p>Eric and I decided to “Bird Nest” the kids throughout our in-house separation and during the first part of the divorce to keep changes small and incremental for the kids. I was recently interviewed by <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/01/realestate/separated-living-together.html" target="_blank">The New York Times</a> about our live-in separation and impending divorce. </p><p>So Eric sleeps at the house Friday night, hangs out with the kids all weekend, then leaves for work Monday morning and stays with a friend during the week. I usually leave the house Friday night, stay with friends, and return Sunday night to get the kids to school Monday morning. </p><p>There are exceptions, like last weekend Eric and I took the kids for a day trip to Cannon Beach together, Eric was there to help the kids make Mother’s Day special for me, and we’re planning on spending big holidays together in the family home. </p><p>Eventually, when Eric finds a place where the kids can have their own space to make it feel like their home, the kids will have overnighters at Dad’s. But none of us are in a rush to make that happen. This Bird Nesting situation keeps life easy for now. When that stops being the case, we’ll reevaluate. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJJEzg99rapJJhLGMPjIeeddPWeYLDcoGZFXoefxIv5D-hrejLPK9PlnHe_Zzd1a3dHlZcSKSvZLvZ15RTFCPXgvBTTpmldXQk_FXIdJN2pQsffJ3u_qIzLUOMN-jIv7UEA4RkXiD85W5DeITMUaEE4BPACz9xYihMe9FzgfFLVocdPhdqvbGC0sg_/s1440/C5A82DCC-FB55-4101-9DD3-891932A0CD30.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJJEzg99rapJJhLGMPjIeeddPWeYLDcoGZFXoefxIv5D-hrejLPK9PlnHe_Zzd1a3dHlZcSKSvZLvZ15RTFCPXgvBTTpmldXQk_FXIdJN2pQsffJ3u_qIzLUOMN-jIv7UEA4RkXiD85W5DeITMUaEE4BPACz9xYihMe9FzgfFLVocdPhdqvbGC0sg_/w200-h200/C5A82DCC-FB55-4101-9DD3-891932A0CD30.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p><b>New Beginnings. </b></p><p>It’s complicated and nuanced and all the feelings are still being processed. There are layers upon layers of grief that comes in waves — my own, and then the kids have their own grief to process that I’m trying to be present to hold space for. </p><p>None of this is easy!</p><p>But it is simple: Choose love. </p><p>Do I want my kids to have parents who can’t be in the same room together and fight about parenting time? Or do I want my kids to understand that while mommy and daddy couldn’t be husband and wife anymore, that we are still a family and we all still love each other?</p><p>I am grateful to have an ex who prioritizes our kids’ wellbeing and chooses with me to cultivate peace. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyxD6f2lq74hDI0enkaFK32-A-bIdfB4qi2hkWvtSgPLQD-Ek0nnUPALgNQL1sgoZNwyFoEbiXscFdzEMjT58wd_s5OZQsDK7QIHhfRKUI9JCyimumwriqTu1JPQtf6YsLTEGYFsCiQ7a5Bz4OHLYiGvhWMLRMyCsE54DBQBhiVZpG5cE01KKpRR_2/s1440/6C099720-A7CE-4CC8-9B23-1D9E6F52DE38.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyxD6f2lq74hDI0enkaFK32-A-bIdfB4qi2hkWvtSgPLQD-Ek0nnUPALgNQL1sgoZNwyFoEbiXscFdzEMjT58wd_s5OZQsDK7QIHhfRKUI9JCyimumwriqTu1JPQtf6YsLTEGYFsCiQ7a5Bz4OHLYiGvhWMLRMyCsE54DBQBhiVZpG5cE01KKpRR_2/w320-h320/6C099720-A7CE-4CC8-9B23-1D9E6F52DE38.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-10920740317632664012020-03-02T15:22:00.002-08:002020-03-02T15:22:46.540-08:00Evil Lisa Loeb and the Chinese Dive BarA post-coitus craving for Chinese food led my husband and I to <a href="https://www.happyhouserestaurant.com/" target="_blank">Happy House Chinese Restaurant and Lounge</a>, where their website boasts, "Happy House Happy Bar Happy Food Happy friendly People!"<br />
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As we approach the weather worn entryway and sticker-clad front door off the parking lot, I realize I need to adjust my expectations. This is not a date night destination kind of place. This is a neighborhood watering hole where North Portland folks come to get more-bang-for-their-buck Chinese food.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2B_m9K7c75gf9bjyU6nRirApL1cQXAWuMMQEeK3mhzme8r8ExrsXu2C44UKfBbHMvHjBiRzbZlE0GPj1OIiHJjnm25IqPnUE49JNhNVHQ0cX9pH9GmCqGvjfgvD0CmcFnKZX4UEnfpqk/s1600/304E2686-411C-469C-BEB7-A858D7F22E64.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="272" data-original-width="371" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2B_m9K7c75gf9bjyU6nRirApL1cQXAWuMMQEeK3mhzme8r8ExrsXu2C44UKfBbHMvHjBiRzbZlE0GPj1OIiHJjnm25IqPnUE49JNhNVHQ0cX9pH9GmCqGvjfgvD0CmcFnKZX4UEnfpqk/s320/304E2686-411C-469C-BEB7-A858D7F22E64.jpeg" width="320" /></a>We place our To Go order in the bright restaurant portion with a petite, soft spoken woman with silky black hair and a sweet smile. We decide to wait with a drink in our hands, so we walk through a set of saloon doors leading us to the noisy, dark lounge. Video poker screens light the path to the bar where the lone bartender sports a messy bun, red lumberjack flannel, and modern, thick, cat eye glasses. Her hardy laugh glides over the noise and stands out.<br />
<br />
"She's like an evil Lisa Loeb," Eric says.<br />
<br />
"Heeyy!" I greet the eccentric bartender with a larger-than-life personality as we take our seats at the bar, "How's your night going?"<br />
<br />
With an exaggerated groan, she exclaims, "Let me demonstrate how my night is going!" We watch, wide-eyed, as she grabs a long knife from the counter, turns it on herself, and pretends to plunge the sword-knife into her belly, Samurai suicide style, then brings the knife to her neck to act out slitting her own throat with a flourish. Once her imaginary suicide attempt is complete, she calls over, "What'll ya have?" as she pours a beer for another customer and hands it to him.<br />
<br />
"Can I get a Hot Toddy please?" I ask sweetly.<br />
<br />
Letting her knees buckle to demonstrate how physically exhausting it can be to create a Hot Toddy, she half-jokingly exclaims, "Oh God, you with your Hot Toddies!" (For those of you following along, this is my first visit, and I've have never met this character before.)<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj68my3BWlHO8gW4SOHGRX-H_MjAOpz6wVNJByr1SBtS16z0HBcIvx7j0rrHQmkM2uWzuEQB-xTBD9S0Z82vrHN85uKHHMoF8KWJgnAZdrSNykYW8eQGgPX9RulRElJU1hrWvWWfEkWdqw/s1600/BE1AEEF6-1E56-4123-9644-378A49331451.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1297" data-original-width="751" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj68my3BWlHO8gW4SOHGRX-H_MjAOpz6wVNJByr1SBtS16z0HBcIvx7j0rrHQmkM2uWzuEQB-xTBD9S0Z82vrHN85uKHHMoF8KWJgnAZdrSNykYW8eQGgPX9RulRElJU1hrWvWWfEkWdqw/s400/BE1AEEF6-1E56-4123-9644-378A49331451.jpeg" width="230" /></a>An older gentleman walks in from outside and our bartender shouts towards him, "Oh, and then there's <i>this</i> asshole!" The 'asshole' freezes in the doorway with a confused, 'what did I do??' look on his face. "What'll it be, John?" Asshole John sheepishly approaches the bar, making me wonder if he's also witnessed her Samurai knife skills.<br />
<br />
She serves several regulars their beers and re-fills some shot glasses before she gets around to our order. I can overhear her chatting with the customer next to us about my drink as she pours honey and squeezes fresh lemon, "I don't know if she's gonna like this. If she doesn't, then she doesn't have to order it again!" All four of us burst out laughing. "I had to go all the way across the Great Wall of China to get this hot water! There's now a two ingredient limit on drinks here, including the ice!" Her throaty chuckle pierces through the music.<br />
<br />
A bell rings and she abruptly stops serving the customer in front of her and laments, "Oh! I gotta go get that food before they kill me!" And leaves the man standing in front of his opened, unpaid for beer.<br />
<br />
I suddenly hear a female voice over my shoulder and I turn to see the bartender standing behind me, "Did you ever just really want to hear a horrible song play really loudly? This is the song! This is it!" I fake a laugh and she walks away to deliver more food.<br />
<br />
Eric pouts a little, feeling judged, "There's nothing wrong with Rage Against The Machine."<br />
<br />
Eric and I chat while we sip our drinks and wait for our To Go order, then the sound of Evil Lisa Loeb's voice carries over to us. "I just like to hear you say 'Dickel'," She says to a whiskey fan, "I'll give you a Dickel for a nickle if you tickle my pickle," she coos, and gives her hips a little seductive shake. The whiskey fan awkwardly tries to pay so he can leave.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, we also reluctantly overhear bits of a conversation about something "Smelling like crotch... sauerkraut... a can of sardines..." *shudder* We try to talk louder to drown out the rest of the topic.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, she's standing in front of us, staring Eric down, "Ya gonna pay, or what?" Eric grabs for his wallet as I look around for a ticket, "I didn't give you a bill. Ya don't get that kind of service here. But it's $9. At least it's under $10!" Eric mumbles some agreement and hands her the card.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnGGuR_HmN7Sg9s9kERgYQHf3SJfUkXHOCBdMLmV7vug02I7RrLwisi0BTSAYovcUJZhCZ06QUm4rHYMmCLKQeSTAoVtnLKWY4JMh_F_ScmH8VNFWw1AMcCrFbvMu7qmcGNGkMo1K8bcs/s1600/CD6180C1-C458-47E8-B1CC-BE66CD10FE71.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="584" data-original-width="467" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnGGuR_HmN7Sg9s9kERgYQHf3SJfUkXHOCBdMLmV7vug02I7RrLwisi0BTSAYovcUJZhCZ06QUm4rHYMmCLKQeSTAoVtnLKWY4JMh_F_ScmH8VNFWw1AMcCrFbvMu7qmcGNGkMo1K8bcs/s320/CD6180C1-C458-47E8-B1CC-BE66CD10FE71.jpeg" width="255" /></a>The entire ride home, we take turns quoting our strange bartender.<br />
<br />
"She's like a character from a movie!" Eric quite accurately observes. She wins for the most Portland bartender I have ever encountered.<br />
<br />
Happy House Chinese Restaurant and Lounge can absolutely expect us back next time we have a hankering for Chinese. The food is edible, and the entertainment interesting!<br />
<br />
If you'd like to have your very own Happy House Chinese Restaurant and Lounge experience, you can find the Evil Lisa Loeb Lumberjack at 4234 N. Interstate Ave. in Portland, Oregon.<br />
<br />
<br />Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.com4234 N Interstate Ave, Portland, OR 97217, USA45.5544656 -122.681599545.5542921 -122.6819145 45.5546391 -122.6812845tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-49672923494961598482019-07-05T21:40:00.000-07:002019-07-05T23:58:34.103-07:00Labyrinth I didn't come to <a href="https://breitenbush.com/" target="_blank">Breitenbush</a> for the <a href="https://www.wikihow.com/Meditate-in-a-Labyrinth" target="_blank">Labyrinth</a>. Last time I was here, I didn't even bother finding it. But when I see that the field is completely empty except for me, I decide to see what all the fuss is about. I remember reading something about these kinds of "labyrinths" being some sort of physical representation of a spiritual journey to your inner self or some shit like that.<br />
<br />
So I stand at the beginning of the path and say a little prayer about helping me find me, I take a deep breath, and I take one intentional step on the little gravel path.<br />
<br />
A few paces later, I realize I'm on the wrong path. This path is NEXT to the labyrinth, not part of the labyrinth. In case anyone is watching, I decide to pretend like I meant to go this way all along and follow the gravel path down to the river bank. I stay a few moments before going back to the REAL labyrinth to try again.<br />
<br />
I look around to make sure this is in fact the beginning of the labyrinth. I pause to pray, breathe, and step into the labyrinth. I feel ridiculous. I'm slowly walking along this narrow path in the middle of a field, lined with rocks and wildflowers that have closed up for the evening. I let my hands brush the tops of the flower buds. About halfway around the first lap, I don't feel enlightened yet and I consider jumping the path and going back to my swing to sit and watch the babbling brook. But I sense that I'm supposed to stay inside these lines.<br />
<br />
Some Wisdom inside of me says, <i>"Stay on the path. This is your path. Your healing journey. Your Journey of the Warrior. Your path of the hero. You didn't know it would be like this when you started out, but it's just for you. You can't skip ahead, or you'll miss the pain. If you miss the pain, you'll miss the lesson, you'll miss your story."</i><br />
<br />
I think maybe I can just speed this up by walking faster. My inside Wisdom says, <i>"You can't go too fast, or you'll miss the scenery -- the gifts that are waiting for you along the way. Little treasures I've dropped for you to discover."</i> I look down and see a beetle. A damn beetle is my gift? I hate nature. I consider stopping to watch my beetle gift, but my Wisdom doesn't want that either. <i>"But don't go too slowly either. You'll get stuck and forget which way you were heading and miss the years in between when you were waiting."</i><br />
<br />
My eyes wander to the center of the labyrinth to try to determine how far I have left to walk. <i>"Just stay on the path. Just keep taking the next step. Only worry about taking the next step in front of you. Don't worry about those steps you'll take over there. You're not there yet. You're here. Be present here, right here, for this step you're taking right now. You know the end of your journey is there. You have the destination in your mind. Maybe you can see it. But seeing it does not mean you're there yet. So stay here, in this moment."</i><br />
<br />
I look up and it feels like I've gone down this part of the path before. The direction is identical. The scenery is identical. I think for a moment that I've accidentally stepped over a line somewhere and I'm just repeating a part of the labyrinth I've already been on. But the Wisdom inside tells me,<i> "It just feels the same. It feels like you're back at the beginning because everything is so familiar. But you're not starting from scratch this time. Yes, you have to go this way again, but you're closer to the center this time than you were before. Just keep going. No matter how many times it feels like you've been here before, this is a new moment, and a new part of the path."</i><br />
<br />
I see that the path turns sharply up ahead, and I think that my journey is coming to an end around this corner. As impatient as I was to get this over with when I started out, I'm suddenly aware that I don't want this time to end just yet. I'm learning so much about my healing and myself by walking on this path. I still have more to learn, and I want to continue the journey! I take a breath and turn the corner. But instead of leading me to the center, this section of the path is just next to the center. Relief. My lessons are not completed. My journey is not done. The path suddenly turns again and leads me away from the center, in a direction I had not anticipated! I'm now walking AWAY from the center, which absolutely feels counterproductive! <i>"Follow the path. You think you know where it will lead you, but it goes a different way."</i><br />
<br />
Finally, I turn another corner and the path leads me to the center of the labyrinth. <i>"But not before you were ready."</i><br />
<br />
I stand in the middle of this stone maze. Mission accomplished. Now what? There's no clear path out of here! There are no directions! What is expected of me?? Am I supposed to turn around and un-do what I've just done by following the entire thing back out? Is that what other people do? I pretend to be meditative while I go through my options.<br />
<br />
I turn around and follow the path I just came down. But I pause at the "X" in the stones. If I step over this X, it would take me straight back to the beginning of this entire thing, and I could go back to my swing. Or I could spend another half an hour retracing my steps of this labyrinth. But what if one of these things is some sort of inner-self-finding no-no, and someone sees me doing it wrong? Then they would know I'm an imposter, pretending to be spiritual!<br />
<br />
<i>"This is your path. No one else can tell you that your path is wrong, because it is not theirs. There is no 'wrong' path for you, because it is yours to create."</i><br />
<br />
If my entire life of becoming who I am now has gotten me to where I am right now, with all of this unmanageability, depression, and constant pain, then maybe it's time I un-become what I have worked so hard to become. Maybe it's time I stopped listening to what others expect of me, and stop filling my own head with assumed expectations? What if this version of Genevieve is the imposter, not because I'm doing life wrong, but because I failed to be true to myself and become myself? What if I was too busy with trying to be the woman and mother and wife and Christian that this book or teacher or pastor said I should be, and I forgot to find out who my Creator made me to be?<br />
<br />
I close my eyes, take a deep breath, let it out as I open my eyes, and I step over the X that kept me trapped inside the labyrinth. I forge a new path for myself. It's not right, and it's not wrong. It's just mine. I feel powerful breaking the labyrinth rules. Like I really am the hero of my own story.<br />
<br />
This is me, un-becoming.<br />
<br />
I am shedding the sandy ground of expectations and burdens and codependency that my relationships and my life have been built on. I need to deconstruct my life and myself all the way down to the ground so that the new foundation I build is true and solid.<br />
<br />
This process of un-becoming the old me so that I can be transformed into the real me is going to be bumpy. I won't do it perfectly, and I'll make mistakes in relationships along the way. I'll learn and grow by falling down and getting back up. But I will not abandon myself again. I will not reject myself to save a relationship, even my marriage.<br />
I would rather be hated for who I truly am, than loved for someone I never was meant to be.<br />
I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea. I'd rather be the right people's glass of champagne anyway.<br />
<br />
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-28229875171450258792018-10-17T08:00:00.000-07:002019-07-05T23:59:27.049-07:00Calling Josh<div class="blog-header" style="background-color: white; border-bottom: none; border-image: initial !important; border-left: none !important; border-right: none !important; border-top: none !important; color: #525252; font-family: Lato, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5 !important; margin: 0px auto 2em !important; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px !important; width: 740px;">
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<a class="blog-title-link blog-link" href="http://genevievewest.weebly.com/blog/calling-josh" style="font-size: 34px !important; letter-spacing: 0px !important; text-decoration-line: none;">Calling Josh</a></h2>
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<span class="date-text" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; margin: 0px 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 4px;">5/23/2017</span></div>
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I picked up my phone to call Josh today.<br />
<br />
He would have known just what to say.<br />
He would have made me laugh.<br />
He would have called my husband and made him laugh too.<br />
<br />
He would have told us stories about his new life in a new place, and invite us to come visit him.<br />
He probably would have told an hour long story and then asked advice about a girl.<br />
He would have called me "G".<br />
<br />
Part of me can't believe that I forgot for a moment that he's gone. But I guess that's how it happens.<br />
Time changes things.<br />
But this new, fresh wave of missing him and mourning our friendship feels like I'm starting all over again. Like the grief scab has been picked off.<br />
<br />
I sat there with my phone in my hand. "Josh Baumann" on the screen. Ready to call him. Then the realization washed over me, and the agony was fresh again. All my breath forced itself out of me, like my lungs were trying to dry heave the grief out of my body.<br />
<br />
And then there's the selfish part:<br />
Josh is the only one I can go to in times like these. He's the only one who ever helps. And now we've lost him. We can't just replace him. No one else will do.<br />
<br />
My heart just hurts.<br />
I still can't believe I'll never see him again.<br />
Who else will call me "G"?<br />
<br />
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-53689272611679751652018-10-10T08:00:00.000-07:002019-07-06T00:00:08.980-07:00I feel cheated.<div class="blog-header" style="background-color: white; border-bottom: none; border-image: initial !important; border-left: none !important; border-right: none !important; border-top: none !important; color: #525252; font-family: Lato, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5 !important; margin: 0px auto 2em !important; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px !important; width: 740px;">
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<a class="blog-title-link blog-link" href="http://genevievewest.weebly.com/blog/i-feel-cheated" style="font-size: 34px !important; letter-spacing: 0px !important; text-decoration-line: none;">I feel cheated.</a></h2>
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<span class="date-text" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; margin: 0px 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 4px;">4/27/2017</span></div>
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My heart is broken.<br />
My soul hurts.<br />
i still can't believe it's true.<br />
<br />
some days are easier than others.<br />
today has not been an easy day.<br />
<br />
I keep wanting to text him, forgetting for a moment that he's not there.<br />
I wonder how long I'll still pick up the phone to text him.<br />
I finally deleted the last text message I sent him today. It was the one where I was asking him if he was ok, because he wasn't answering his phone, hadn't returned Eric's message, and I saw some strange Facebook posts from his mom and niece.<br />
It hurt every time I scrolled past it. So now it's gone. No longer reminding me of the first moments when I feared that my friend was gone.<br />
<br />
I've been here before. I know I'm strong enough to survive this. But right now, today, it just doesn't feel like it. There's a hole inside of me. Some days it's easier to ignore that hole. But not today. Today the hole is swallowing me up.<br />
<br />
Iwill always miss Josh.<br />
I will always be sad at all the things that he's missing out on.<br />
i will always feel cheated that I'll never hear his laugh again.<br />
That he'll never tell me another rambling story about a girl he met.<br />
That our summer plans will never happen.<br />
That our youngest kids won't remember him.<br />
That I'll never get to meet his kids.<br />
That we have to live in a world without him in it.<br />
That the world is missing out on Josh. </div>
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-53221332268556732692018-10-03T08:00:00.000-07:002018-10-03T08:00:09.557-07:00A writer needs to write<div class="blog-header" style="background-color: white; border-bottom: none; border-image: initial !important; border-left: none !important; border-right: none !important; border-top: none !important; color: #525252; font-family: Lato, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5 !important; margin: 0px auto 2em !important; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px !important; width: 740px;">
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<a class="blog-title-link blog-link" href="http://genevievewest.weebly.com/blog/a-writer-needs-to-write" style="font-size: 34px !important; letter-spacing: 0px !important; text-decoration-line: none;">A writer needs to write</a></h2>
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<span class="date-text" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; margin: 0px 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 4px;">4/21/2017</span></div>
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Part of me is afraid.<br />Im afraid that if I start writing again, really writing, that the floodgates will open and I won't be able to close them.<br />That I'll be too overcome with emotion and grief that I won't be able to pull it together to function for my kids.<br /><br />This fear is not unfounded.<br />I've experienced this sort of debilitating grief twice before.<br /><br />The first time was in 2003, when my 18 year old sister, Cassie Brown, was murdered. I covered my agony with anger for months. And once I started crying, I couldn't stop.<br /><br />The second time was when I was pregnant with our third child, Ellie. Third child, but fourth pregnancy. When we lost Hadassah around 12 weeks gestation, I distracted myself so that I wouldn't have to feel the loss of my baby. It wasn't until we become pregnant with Ellie six months later that it really hit me and I came to a halting stop while I mourned my baby that I will never meet here on earth.<br /><br />It was then that I started to write.<br />And it was healing, and it was hard.<br />I threw my guts up into my blog until I was inside out and nothing was left by dry heaving emotion. And then I wrote some more. I was real and raw and honest and irreverent. And I healed.<br /><br />Now I find myself in that place of denial and distraction again, instead of facing my grief.<br /><br />An author friend of mine, Amber, told me, "For people like us, writing is cathartic. Maybe that's what you need! Emotional release. You'll be a better mom after you take care of yourself. You have to allow yourself to feel all the feelings."<br /><br />So here I am. Dipping my toes into my own feelings and writing again.<br /><br />If you've ever been here, you're not alone. If you've been through this already, I'm thankful for you and for people like Amber who will show me the way to the other end of this excruciating tunnel. So thank you for your patience as I bare my soul to you, and for joining me in this painful journey through mourning. </div>
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-1822430226177642762018-09-26T16:15:00.001-07:002022-06-03T17:19:02.111-07:00My friend is dead.<div class="blog-header" style="background-color: white; border-bottom: none; border-image: initial !important; border-left: none !important; border-right: none !important; border-top: none !important; border: none; color: #525252; font-family: Lato, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px auto 2em; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; width: 740px;">
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<a class="blog-title-link blog-link" href="http://genevievewest.weebly.com/blog/my-friend-is-dead" style="font-size: 34px; letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;">My friend is dead.</a></h2>
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<span class="date-text" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; margin: 0px 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 4px;">4/21/2017</span></div>
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I can't remember meeting Josh. It feels like he just showed up in our living room one day, and had simply always been with us. Eric said we met him at a Church Home Community back when we were having people over every Tuesday for coffee and brownies to get to know the new folks at church. Back when we had a church home. But I just remember this tall kid with skinny legs and ankle socks, and a military haircut, with an easy smile and contagious laugh. He would sit in our recliner and when he would tell a story, he'd throw up his arms and legs animatedly, making the whole chair rock, and all of us laugh.</div>
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Josh soon moved into the apartment upstairs from us with Ron, Eric's old roommate. They were family, in and out of our apartment like Joey and Chandler.</div>
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When people leave Portland, we usually only stay connected on Facebook. But when Josh left Portland, he stayed family. He was still "Uncle Josh" to our kids. He was still welcome to drop by the house on his random visits to Portland. He would still call us at midnight for a 3 hour phone conversation that I would have to charge my battery in the middle of, or hand Eric the phone so I could use the bathroom. We talked about so many things. God, girls, plans, music, culture, people.</div>
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He was still the person we wanted to talk to when things felt heavy or dark. And when he would visit, or when we went to visit him, we would pick up right where we left off, like no time had passed at all. We had even made a road trip, considering moving to a small town in Washington called Omak in order to be closer to our friend.</div>
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But Josh never stayed in one place for very long. Adventure was inside of him. He needed to immerse himself in a new culture and become one of its people. I loved hearing his stories and observations, and seeing the photos and videos he'd take of his experiences.</div>
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The last time he called, I was in the middle of something and didn't have time for one of our marathon conversations, so I declined the call. I will regret that for the rest of my life.</div>
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On April 4th, 2017, 11 days before his 34th birthday, Josh was a passenger in a car that hit some ice in a snow storm, and rolled over three times.</div>
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Josh died on impact.</div>
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I saw a Facebook post by his mom that didn't make sense to me.</div>
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I tried calling his cell, but it went to voicemail.</div>
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I texted him, asking him if he was ok. No response.</div>
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i called Ron to see if he'd heard anything, but he hadn't.</div>
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I messaged his niece and his mom.</div>
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They confirmed my fear.</div>
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My friend is dead.</div>
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His memorial service is today in Omak.</div>
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I won't be able to be there.</div>
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Im scared to be in the car for that long.</div>
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Anxiety pulls me under, trying to drown me, when I don't feel safe in the car. I concentrate on taking one breath at a time when that happens. And then I'm on the other side of the bridge.</div>
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When my my sister was killed, I wouldn't leave my parents' house for months. I know I'll get through this too. But not in time for the service.</div>
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My grief will never stop.</div>
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But with time, it will change, and I will be able to breathe again.</div>
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And I will find a new normal.</div>
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And the world will be a little bit darker.</div>
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<br /></div><div style="color: #525252; font-family: "karla important"; font-size: 17px; letter-spacing: 0px;"><a href="https://instagram.com/flannellegs?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=" target="_blank">@flannellegs</a></div></div>
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-5175854953258893492013-09-25T00:44:00.000-07:002016-11-22T23:53:49.884-08:00Queen Genevieve and the Empty Coffee Cup<script charset="utf-8" src="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?rt=tf_cw&ServiceVersion=20070822&MarketPlace=US&ID=V20070822%2FUS%2Fgenewest-20%2F8010%2F2e4963c8-12e6-4b29-8bcc-6ee7e67282d5&Operation=GetScriptTemplate" type="text/javascript"> </script> <noscript><a HREF="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?rt=tf_cw&ServiceVersion=20070822&MarketPlace=US&ID=V20070822%2FUS%2Fgenewest-20%2F8010%2F2e4963c8-12e6-4b29-8bcc-6ee7e67282d5&Operation=NoScript">Amazon.com Widgets</A></noscript>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY8q4nUfPk-g2FOCKxSKfpHW-Vd4oBIm0MIvjwSi-nuowczGHASl_ABFxMrtI1oC4abWRwTylsCt1n-V3aLOqvp9ueTNyAFT2afAtGmZYsbYt56cz5NXg7a7nt8lIvOsIG-aPlstkJKHo/s1600/westfamily5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY8q4nUfPk-g2FOCKxSKfpHW-Vd4oBIm0MIvjwSi-nuowczGHASl_ABFxMrtI1oC4abWRwTylsCt1n-V3aLOqvp9ueTNyAFT2afAtGmZYsbYt56cz5NXg7a7nt8lIvOsIG-aPlstkJKHo/s400/westfamily5.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bozeman, Montana 2011 photo by <a href="http://after-thought.blogspot.com/">Deeapaulitan</a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "edwardian script itc"; font-size: 48.0pt;">Once
upon a time...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There lived a happy little family who was on the road to achieving <a href="http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/classfinder/">Financial Peace</a>. There was King Eric, Queen Genevieve, Princess Evie (9), and Princess Kaylie (1).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">One day, King Eric heard God speak. Queen Genevieve, as well as trusted royal advisers, confirmed what God had said. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The one room cabin on 20 acres in Paradise Valley</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">As you know, when God speaks, you listen and obey. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So, six days before Christmas, without a job lined up, and without knowing a soul, the happy little family packed up whatever they could fit into their car, and moved into a one room cabin on 20 acres of land in Emigrant, Montana. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was a simple time of being together, playing board games, reading their Bible, and playing in the snow. A trip into town to get the mail and go to the general store was the highlight of the week! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">During all the excitement of moving to a new land, King Eric and Queen Genevieve fell away from the carefully thought-out budget, and were too relaxed about keeping track of their spending, however frugal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So one night, over a shared cup of joe at a coffee shop in the next town over, King Eric and Queen Genevieve finally sat down to have a long overdue budget meeting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Much to their dismay, the King and Queen discovered that, once everything outstanding went through, their bank account would be completely empty... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And the gas tank in the royal car was nearly empty.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And Princess Kaylie's diaper box was just about empty.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And the royal cupboards in the little cabin were almost empty.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was in this moment that Queen Genevieve looked down and realized that <b>the coffee cup was also empty.</b> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">(Read the coffee cup story here:</span> <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2011/01/whoever-loves-money-never-has-enough.html">Part 1</a> & <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2011/03/see-if-i-will-not-throw-open-floodgates.html">Part 2</a><span style="font-size: large;">)</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This realization broke Queen Genevieve, and she cried out to God to change her heart from trusting in money... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">...to trusting in Him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The King and Queen had already written out a check for an offering to God, but they had not given it away yet. But the royal couple knew that God could be trusted. So they gave the money away, as planned.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Figuring out how to feed a family of four with whatever bits of food already existed in the cupboards was difficult for this domestically-challenged Queen! And the whole royal family quickly grew tired of lentils, pancakes, and potatoes. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Little did Queen Genevieve know, this metamorphosis</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> of her heart trusting in God instead of in money would be more painful than child birth. When the pain became unbearable, the Queen would crawl into the bed in their one room cabin, sobbing, and crying out to God.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">One day, as King Eric prayed over the tired meal of lentils, he said to God, "If we had nothing to feed our children, we would still praise you on the first day without food, on the second day, on the third day, and every day after that."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">When King Eric spoke those words, Queen Genevieve knew it was true, that she trusted God to provide.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihcMu8TdbBn44t16CA1k9eZ9lZRZRHaBQKY2YmWjNjmviPS_oirRCI2EdXWSND90U5IATADhJkn6-2NCJbNhV6BrHTO1N2zAXScaJ3rI1S6rXrHz3HyQm05Ys2lXbLfu1r3grje-Jt5rI/s1600/livingston15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihcMu8TdbBn44t16CA1k9eZ9lZRZRHaBQKY2YmWjNjmviPS_oirRCI2EdXWSND90U5IATADhJkn6-2NCJbNhV6BrHTO1N2zAXScaJ3rI1S6rXrHz3HyQm05Ys2lXbLfu1r3grje-Jt5rI/s400/livingston15.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "edwardian script itc"; font-size: 48.0pt;">And
they lived happily ever after...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: italic;">Discover the </span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">WHOLE STORY</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: italic;"> of </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-style: italic;">the West Family's journey to Montana:</span></b></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioWglFzkq_bYbsXz3INMIAvFj4FsolaRCmQxidD7dLDRqyqFYkBcch9_QRnq59_Fi54eJVVojdfKLOJR8ykOSEYPpeRXTvbtTalvXfzNZ7N-MgPbAY-wZ4tbT6TY0PqiBzEooEZDakbVs/s1600/livingston12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioWglFzkq_bYbsXz3INMIAvFj4FsolaRCmQxidD7dLDRqyqFYkBcch9_QRnq59_Fi54eJVVojdfKLOJR8ykOSEYPpeRXTvbtTalvXfzNZ7N-MgPbAY-wZ4tbT6TY0PqiBzEooEZDakbVs/s320/livingston12.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Princess Evie (9) & Princess Kaylie (1), ready for the drive!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#1 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2010/12/going-west.html">Going West</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#2 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2010/12/in-you-o-lord-i-have-taken-refuge.html">In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#3 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2010/12/take-delight-in-lord-and-he-will-give.html">Take delight in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#4 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2011/01/let-journey-begin.html">Let The Journey Begin</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#5 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2011/01/yahweh-yireh.html">Yahweh-Yireh</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#6 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2011/01/whoever-loves-money-never-has-enough.html">for the love of money... and coffee.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#7 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2011/03/see-if-i-will-not-throw-open-floodgates.html">Testing God</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#8 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2011/03/billings-montana.html">Billings, MT</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#9 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2011/07/who-needs-furniture.html">who needs furniture?</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#10 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2011/07/floodgates-of-heaven-thrown-open.html">The floodgates of heaven thrown open</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">#11 - <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2011/10/yay-for-hardwood-floors.html">Hardwood Floors, Terrible Neighbors, and God</a></span><br />
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<script charset="utf-8" src="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?rt=tf_cw&ServiceVersion=20070822&MarketPlace=US&ID=V20070822%2FUS%2Fgenewest-20%2F8010%2F2e4963c8-12e6-4b29-8bcc-6ee7e67282d5&Operation=GetScriptTemplate" type="text/javascript"> </script> <noscript><a HREF="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?rt=tf_cw&ServiceVersion=20070822&MarketPlace=US&ID=V20070822%2FUS%2Fgenewest-20%2F8010%2F2e4963c8-12e6-4b29-8bcc-6ee7e67282d5&Operation=NoScript">Amazon.com Widgets</A></noscript>Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-60948624822494072372013-09-03T11:03:00.000-07:002016-11-22T23:54:27.479-08:00Shattered By Words<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">In one of my recent posts entitled "I Can Dish It Out But I Can't Take It" (<a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2013/08/i-can-dish-it-out-but-i-cant-take-it.html">which you can read HERE</a>), I talked about this thing that happens when I'm called to defend my writing. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's this debilitating panic that rushes through me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Even an innocent request for clarification makes my heart pound and my face flush. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm still questioning <i>why</i> this is happening! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It's embarrassing and annoying! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm pretty sure that my inability to accept criticism comes across as "prideful" or "arrogant". </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm sure because I've been accused of it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And though I know I have plenty of room to grow in putting on the humility of Christ, this isn't coming from a place of pride!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It comes from a place of knowing I'll be <b><i>crushed</i></b> under the weight of opposition, so I run and hide to protect myself, to protect my heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Like I said, embarrassing. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I think it's because I'm pouring my heart out on paper. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It sucks when someone stomps on your heart, ya know? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm more vulnerable in my writing than in any social situation. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You will see more of me in my writing than you will anywhere else. </span><span style="font-size: large;">Ever. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Every time I write, I <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2013/08/punched-fear-in-face.html">punch that fear </a>of rejection and judgement in the face and click "publish". </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So when there's push back on my writing, there's push back on ME.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Uncomfortable much? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But God has made me to write. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The words flow out of me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I need to get those thoughts into words, like I need food or water or air... or hyperbole. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">In that <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2013/08/i-can-dish-it-out-but-i-cant-take-it.html">last post</a>, I wrote, </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I think my inability to challenge or accept criticism is because some part of me isn't fully believing in and resting in the fullness of the Gospel. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">"God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=5">gracious</a>, so I don't have to prove myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=3">glorious</a>, so I don't have to fear others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=2">great</a>, so I don't have to be in control.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=4">good</a>, so I don't have to look elsewhere."</span></div>
<div>
</div>
</blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm still figuring this out as I go.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I can't stop writing. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I can't stop being vulnerable in my writing. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But, by God's grace, I need to be able to handle people's comments. I need to not be shattered every time comments come. It just extra sucks when it comes from unexpected places.</span>Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-72914686431298374442013-08-31T23:36:00.001-07:002016-11-22T23:54:44.845-08:00Karma Sucks<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">I deserve death.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I deserve to suffer.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So do you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Even my children do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I make choices every day, knowingly and in ignorance, that I dig my grave deeper. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If Karma were real, I would be so screwed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So would we all!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">But you and I don't just deserve death because of our actions. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We deserve death because we were born fallen creatures, rebelling against God with every breath and fiber of our being.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We deserve to be punished because we've turned away from God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We deserve death because we're sinners.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Thankfully, Karma isn't actually a thing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Sure, we have to put up with consequences from our actions, but it's not a "what goes around, comes around" thing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Knowing that people would turn against Him, God had already planned for Another to take our deserved punishment so that we wouldn't have to endure it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">That's mercy: Holding back something bad that should be coming your way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Christ took my punishment in my place. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And He took yours.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">But He didn't stop there.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Christ didn't just take the punishment that was meant for us and say, "now good luck with the rest of your life."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">He also gave us grace: Giving us something good that we have not earned. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Thank God Karma isn't real. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, I get to rest in the experience of God's mercy and grace.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's because Christ died, defeated death, and rose again, that I get to live a life free from the fear of Karma, knowing that I'll never be able to do anything to repay Him for His sacrifice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Need reminding in gospel fluency?<br />LISTEN:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">"God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=5">gracious</a>, so I don't have to prove myself.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=3">glorious</a>, so I don't have to fear others.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=2">great</a>, so I don't have to be in control.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=4">good</a>, so I don't have to look elsewhere."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-84679654380301803362013-08-21T07:51:00.000-07:002018-09-26T16:56:57.910-07:00Eff this. I'm going back on Zoloft<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-K6dXlGe1zIH_UR1c2MqLq02Eky2OkAO4yeeOg2qvsU3-6-Dqj6qsG-ust6WM6mQ3knlHYfRrHhdHv5OOIIoKJkCiwVikaZ5n4kINz43BQDyg8f58mtiGgmLcUwsxgNjAAvP2zX40qjY/s1600/depression.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="468" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-K6dXlGe1zIH_UR1c2MqLq02Eky2OkAO4yeeOg2qvsU3-6-Dqj6qsG-ust6WM6mQ3knlHYfRrHhdHv5OOIIoKJkCiwVikaZ5n4kINz43BQDyg8f58mtiGgmLcUwsxgNjAAvP2zX40qjY/s320/depression.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Last December, I wrote a post called The "D" Word (<a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-d-word.html#.UhLOoZLVBRQ">which you can read here</a>) about my depression.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">My doctor, my husband, and I decided to try <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sertraline">Zoloft</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">After just a few days, my husband noticed a difference in me, even before I did.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's now August, and for the first time in my life, I really like who I am. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I like who I am!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I feel like I've finally become the Genevieve I was supposed to have been all along.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I can think more clearly.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">My writing just flows out of me.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I can pray.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">By God's grace, I can sense The Spirit even more clearly.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I'm happy with my body just the way it is.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I don't feel like every little not-good thing throughout the day, from dirty diapers, to tantrums, to bank statements, to haters, compound one on top of another, sending me spiraling into a funk. </span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I was genuinely fearful of stopping Zoloft, afraid that I'd go back to the place where I was when I started it. </span><span style="font-size: large;">But, thanks to Jon Acuff's <a href="http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/start/">START Experiment</a>, I decided to punch that fear in the face and, under my doctor's supervision, wean off of it. When I announced it via <a href="https://www.facebook.com/GenevieveWestMatchmaker">facebook</a> to the START community, I was literally shaking.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">What a hot mess that ended up being!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I think my facebook status update said something like,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>"Eff this. I'm going back on Zoloft."</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">But it doesn't have a hold on me any more. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm no longer fearful of stopping Zoloft, when the time comes.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">(It was never supposed to be a forever thing, and I don't want to be on it if we become pregnant again)</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy this Genevieve.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://ragamuffinsoul.com/2012/06/anxietydepression/">Anxiety/Depression... The Church's Dirty Little Secret</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">by <a href="https://twitter.com/loswhit">Carlos Whittaker</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://shaungroves.com/2013/01/beggars-fortune-three-years-of-treating-depression-successfully/">Three Years Of Treating Depression Successfully</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">by <a href="https://twitter.com/shaungroves">Shaun Groves</a></span></div>
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-71097308182450707282013-08-19T18:39:00.002-07:002016-11-22T23:55:28.970-08:00I can dish it out, but I can't take it.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've noticed a bit of an annoying conundrum in myself:</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">My opinions, and my style of expressing those opinions, seem to piss people off.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Though I am assured in my reasoning, having to defend my beliefs to anyone, even folks genuinely asking for clarification, causes me so much distress that it often takes me days to recover, and I find that it's challenging to function in daily life, leaving me questioning:</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-large;">Why has God given me this feistiness to speak up, but allowed me to experience this timidity in defending it?</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: "trebuchet" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I know I'm not always right.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In fact, I'm never going to be ALL right. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Everything will be skewed by my experiences, my biases, and because I'm a fallen creature.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Just because I've formed a belief based on what God has revealed to me, does NOT necessarily mean that I'm right in my conclusion. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">In fact, I'm pretty certain that The Spirit will reveal more to me in the future, which will almost definitely change, or at the very least tweak, my current stance. I will be in this process until the day I die. It's what we call "sanctification," Christ changing us bit by bit, more and more into His image.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Some of these changes have been so drastic, I compare them to a pendulum swinging.<br />As God reveals His Truths to me, my belief and actions will sometimes swing WAY the other way! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm sure it can be quite startling to acquaintances who are not in my life enough to know that I've had a revelation, but observe the crazy swings!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm certainly not shy about expressing what God has revealed, or how it's changed me.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">And, like I said, many of these opinions and how they play out, sometimes rub folks the wrong way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, should I stop?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Nope.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm sure Paul pissed off more than a few people when he wished they'd cut off their own penises (Galations 5:12).</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Or when Isaiah broke it to them that all of their good deeds were like showing off used tampons, saying to God, "aren't you proud of my achievement?". (Isaiah 64:6)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I think my inability to challenge or accept criticism is because some part of me isn't fully believing in and resting in the fullness of the Gospel. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=5">gracious</a>, so I don't have to prove myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=3">glorious</a>, so I don't have to fear others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=2">great</a>, so I don't have to be in control.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">God is <a href="http://breadandwine.org/equipping/listen/?enmse=1&enmse_sid=4&enmse_mid=4">good</a>, so I don't have to look elsewhere."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I don't expect you to coddle me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I need to learn how to do this thing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But I would remind you to approach others in love, not knowing where they are in their walk with The Lord, ya know?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-23066633083393570412013-08-16T15:10:00.000-07:002018-09-26T17:04:50.234-07:00Men: be a woman, but with a penis.<script charset="utf-8" src="https://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?rt=tf_cw&ServiceVersion=20070822&MarketPlace=US&ID=V20070822/US/genewest-20/8010/754c744d-cbb7-406b-b365-2b3af16186ad&Operation=GetScriptTemplate" type="text/javascript"> </script> <noscript><a HREF="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?rt=tf_cw&ServiceVersion=20070822&MarketPlace=US&ID=V20070822%2FUS%2Fgenewest-20%2F8010%2F754c744d-cbb7-406b-b365-2b3af16186ad&Operation=NoScript">Amazon.com Widgets</A></noscript>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WhAe_QWTFSoLra1CTJE-hsfgeCNVciqNgoXYykOJK58wQDXskqC9hRmgkQi4-B0D-01AxOzR0CxRZJ4bld2RgMSeZR_ppf46zBJlyG6J4gO4ZzREVqw2EAGbF9sdpINeDXIk0ZWYf0s/s1600/crossdressing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="221" data-original-width="334" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WhAe_QWTFSoLra1CTJE-hsfgeCNVciqNgoXYykOJK58wQDXskqC9hRmgkQi4-B0D-01AxOzR0CxRZJ4bld2RgMSeZR_ppf46zBJlyG6J4gO4ZzREVqw2EAGbF9sdpINeDXIk0ZWYf0s/s320/crossdressing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Dear Men,</span></b><br />
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(Contrary to popular belief, if you have a penis then you are, in fact, a MAN.)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Our culture tells you that you're not necessary, that women can do everything without you (even have babies), to be more sensitive, and to not fight, even to defend those you love.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Our culture has told you to be a woman, but with a penis.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Our church culture loads you up with all sorts of unbibilical responsibilities under the title of "spiritual leader." Go to work all day to provide for whatever standard of living your family is accustomed to, be gentle, loving, never get angry, to wear pressed khakis, and sit in pews with floral print every Sunday and sing Jesus-is-my-boyfriend songs.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Our church culture has told you to be a woman, but with a penis and extra obligations.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>How exhausting!</b></span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">No wonder Christian men don't want to get married! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<b>I call bullshit.</b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When God created Adam, He said, "It's not good for the man to be alone." </span><span style="font-size: large;">So He made the perfect helper for him -- Eve.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">God didn't make Adam jump through hoops before He presented him with Eve. God knew Adam needed help to be who he was made to be, so <i>ta da!</i> Eve. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Christians, we have all these young men running around burning with passion because they're not at the place in their lives that we have arbitrarily decided they "should" be before they take a wife. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And instead of helping them out, the church just says, "don't have sex."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Thanks.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That was helpful.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My husband waited three years before asking me to marry him because he had things he wanted to accomplish before he got married. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The thing is, he never did any of those things. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">A wife and kids weren't keeping him from living his dream. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>He</i> was keeping himself from it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Since we've been married, my husband has told me countless times that he's only been able to accomplish what he has in his business, personal life, and spiritual walk <i>because</i> he has my love, support, and encouragement -- my help. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Men, don't wait until you've cleaned yourselves up before asking the girl to marry you. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">God gave Eve to Adam as a helper. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You know, to <i>help</i> him. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Not to mother him, not to be his subordinate, but so they could be a team, moving in the same direction together, with a common goal. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>How about this: Become the man who God created you to be, and find yourself a woman who will encourage you to do just that.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Men, you don't have to be like the uber manly pastor who says "You're not a real man if you don't do like me."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And men, you don't have to go to the other extreme and emasculate yourselves by denying your manliness. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">God made men to be different from women.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">God gave you attributes that are unique to <i>YOU.</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I hope that you choose a women who will help you grow in those, instead of trying to squash you to be someone you're not. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Go to the scriptures yourself and see what a man is "supposed" to be and do. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Checking out 1 Timothy 3, even the overseers of the church body are pretty much told, "just don't be assholes." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The qualifications for elders and deacons conspicuously leave out all the extra obligations that, in my experience, churches put on regular men during every father's day sermon. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">You were created in God's image and you were bought with Christ's blood. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This makes you worthy just as you are. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1935519026/ref=as_li_tf_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1935519026&linkCode=as2&tag=genewest-20" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1935519026&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=genewest-20"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://astore.amazon.com/genewest-20/detail/1935519026">Click HERE for The Manly Man Conference</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>In case you haven't heard this lately... </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>You <i>are</i> good enough. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>You <i>are</i> manly enough.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>You <i>are</i> masculine.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=genewest-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1935519026" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1"></span> <img alt="" border="0" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=genewest-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B0042ZTB22" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1"> <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/R8FL-rcFwbk" width="560"></iframe></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Dear Ladies,</b></span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Don't think you're getting off the hook on this one.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Quit telling these guys to "be better, do more, try harder." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If you don't like how he's being the "spiritual leader" of your home, then you'd better check your heart with God and go get yourself a new definition of what it means to be a "spiritual leader."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Stop looking so hard at what he is and isn't doing right and let's take a good long look at that log in your eye, honey. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">If your guy is a good guy, but you're finding that you always have to nag him, then the problem in your marriage is NOT your husband, sweetie. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Quit talking to your husband and start working out your discontentment with God. </span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0042ZTB22/ref=as_li_tf_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0042ZTB22&linkCode=as2&tag=genewest-20" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B0042ZTB22&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=genewest-20"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://astore.amazon.com/genewest-20/detail/1935519158">Click HERE for the Butt-Kicking Woman Conference</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Pray until you feel peace about whatever-it-is before you talk to your man. And then build him up with his love language and <b><i>initiate some great sex</i></b> with the guy before you even think of nagging. K?</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/WndFiDNbmtY" width="560"></iframe></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Here are a couple of great blog posts by some folks I really respect:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://challengeyourfamily.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/what-a-man-needs-most/">"What A Man Needs Most" by Rob Beaudreault</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://chanemza.blogspot.com/2013/08/becoming-rib.html">"Becoming The Rib" by Shanna Delap</a></span></div>
Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-79592031906472314042013-08-09T09:00:00.000-07:002016-11-22T23:56:23.120-08:00Break Up Like A Man<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 1.364em;"><a href="http://howyoucanfindlove.com/how-to-break-up-like-a-man/" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 1.364em;">How To Break Up Like A Man</a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Breaking up sucks. But sometimes a relationship just cannot be allowed to continue if you’re genuinely unhappy. If you’re a good guy then you don’t want to hurt the girl any more than necessary, so here are some tips on how to break up like a real man.... </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">....Read more @ <a href="http://howyoucanfindlove.com/how-to-break-up-like-a-man/">howyoucanfindlove.com</a></span>Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-30296973754303236512013-08-08T09:00:00.000-07:002016-11-22T23:56:42.626-08:00A Piece Of Matrimony Meat<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Some general guidelines for singles:</span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Don't judge a book by its cover - give them a chance. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">You've got to risk big to win big - be vulnerable.</span></li>
</ul>
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<li><span style="font-size: large;">Your job is not a meat market - Stop looking at your co-workers as Matrimony Meat.</span></li>
</ul>
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<li><span style="font-size: large;">Stop trying to "marry up" - you are worthy.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Stop trying to "marry down" - you are lovable.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Contact me today for your personal <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2013/07/schedule-your-consultation-today.html#.UgLH_pLVBRQ">consultation</a>.</span></li>
</ul>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/grroSIHUATs" width="420"></iframe></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Buy Genevieve West's {New Book}</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">"<a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=0EMRFSE4FJHHYP4BFP47&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">It's Your Fault You're Single: </a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=0EMRFSE4FJHHYP4BFP47&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">Why You Are Your Own Worst Enemy In Love</a>"</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">{tell your friends}</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-46185983602688233452013-08-07T00:48:00.004-07:002016-11-22T23:56:53.885-08:00I Punched Fear In The Face. You Can, Too<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">I answered a call to "<a href="http://casey-lewis.com/2013/08/19/what-jon-acuff-taught-me-about-community/">adventure</a>" from <a href="http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/category/start/">Jon Acuff</a>, along with 2,500 others. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We were invited into a 24 day experience: The Start Experiment </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>#STARTexp</b> to <b>"PUNCH FEAR IN THE FACE!"</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">(scroll down to sign up for STARTexp Round 2)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">What happened next was pretty incredible...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We formed a community #STARTexp</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Relationships formed. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Friendships formed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Even romance formed! (shout out to #STARTsingles!)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We were to choose a "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=1VAREWAAR04NASKFCFFG&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">risk</a>," a goal to accomplish during the 24 days of #STARTexp. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The risk I chose was to come up with an idea for an <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=1VAREWAAR04NASKFCFFG&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">ebook</a>, write it, and publish it within the 24 days.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As of tonight, with one day to spare, by God's grace, I accomplished my risk (which you can purchase </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=1VAREWAAR04NASKFCFFG&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F"><span style="font-size: large;">HERE</span></a><span style="font-size: large;">).</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here are some things I learned during #STARTexp:</span><br />
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<li><b style="font-size: x-large;">No Excuses.</b><span style="font-size: large;"> 3 kids </span><span style="font-size: large;">+ 2 <a href="http://www.mixnmatchcreamery.com/">businesses</a> </span><span style="font-size: large;">+ 1 marriage = CHAOS! But, by God's grace, I accomplished my goal.</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Fear <i>fears</i> community. </b>I don't think my real life friends were able to fully comprehend what a huge deal this was to me. But the other STARTers? They got it. They were in it with me for every high and every low.</span></li>
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<li><span style="font-size: large;"><b>The devil wants to steal, kill, and destroy.</b> Doubt would creep in. What felt like two of the toughest days of our marriage happened. Whenever I was exhausted from helping with our liquid nitrogen <a href="http://www.mixnmatchcreamery.com/">ice cream</a> business, or the house was neglected, or the kids were hungry <i>again</i>, I'd think about quitting START. But my husband, the #STARTexp community, and Jon Acuff's emails kept me going. </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-size: large;"><b>#<a href="http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/the-hater-handbook-my-new-free-ebook/">HatersGonnaHate</a>.</b> </span><span style="font-size: large;">The same day I experienced the most encouragement, excitement, and confidence, was the same day I experienced the harshest criticism. In spite of myself, I allowed myself to feel deeply offended... until God spoke to me using the words of the great prophet Jon Acuff: #<a href="http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/2-questions-that-make-99-of-all-haters-invisible/">HatersGonnaHate</a>. </span></li>
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<li><span style="font-size: large;"><b>I can do this thing.</b> </span><i style="font-size: x-large;">I wrote a freakin' book, you guys! </i></li>
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<li><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2013/07/when-oprah-calls-ill-let-you-know.html#.UgH7k5LVBRQ">When Oprah Calls, I'll Let You Know</a></span><i style="font-size: x-large;">.</i></li>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"<a href="http://casey-lewis.com/2013/08/19/what-jon-acuff-taught-me-about-community/">What Jon Acuff Taught Me About Community</a>" by <a href="https://twitter.com/caseynlewis">Casey Lewis</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"<a href="http://corieclark.com/2013/08/04/what-i-learned-from-the-start-experiment-why-you-should-join-me-next-time/">What I Learned From The START Experiment </a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://corieclark.com/2013/08/04/what-i-learned-from-the-start-experiment-why-you-should-join-me-next-time/">& Why You Should Join Me Next Time</a>" by </span><a href="https://twitter.com/Corie_Clark" style="font-size: x-large;">Corie Clark</a></div>
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Scroll to the bottom for links to ALL the other blogs about what other folks learned from #STARTexp!</div>
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-2604907189703508522013-08-05T17:59:00.000-07:002016-11-22T23:57:11.533-08:00Discover Genevieve West's Book<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=1VAREWAAR04NASKFCFFG&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">{buy the ebook now}</a></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=1VAREWAAR04NASKFCFFG&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">#YourFault</a></span></i></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJa7eSITenW4KN-1X9EH3a-KtzD897rSmP6RpOSq5M4esV3-MxhSm21vFdkstHeJGv8YC0nrX4krM9a_tJh6s93Dv5vIcuSDUEmTk1P2QbFEonaUQ26tSRSGL7JGsNqueeUJl049ATDI/s1600/west-ecover-2b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJa7eSITenW4KN-1X9EH3a-KtzD897rSmP6RpOSq5M4esV3-MxhSm21vFdkstHeJGv8YC0nrX4krM9a_tJh6s93Dv5vIcuSDUEmTk1P2QbFEonaUQ26tSRSGL7JGsNqueeUJl049ATDI/s400/west-ecover-2b.jpg" width="250" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Cover Art by Michelle Cheney</span><br />
<a href="http://www.michellecheney.com/"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">www.michellecheney.com</span></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=1VAREWAAR04NASKFCFFG&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">BUY IT NOW!</a></span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_361458882_3?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-9&pf_rd_r=0GTQTG59KKDVSHM09BFM&pf_rd_t=1401&pf_rd_p=1354791522&pf_rd_i=1000426311" style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; text-align: left;">DOWNLOAD YOUR <b>FREE KINDLE </b>READING APP HERE</a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>A real, gritty, straight-forward look at why you're single, what you're doing wrong, what you're believing wrong, and how to change all that.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"<a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=1VAREWAAR04NASKFCFFG&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">It's Your Fault You're Single</a>" offers an alternative take on singleness, sex, dating, and relationships that will transform the dating culture</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Genevieve-West/e/B00EL3RZ64">Genevieve West</a> has helped singles of all ages navigate the chaos of the dating world. You want her to be the voice that your single friends hear! You'll want your kids to read this book before they venture into the dating world!</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=1VAREWAAR04NASKFCFFG&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">BUY IT NOW!</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "century gothic" , sans-serif; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/ref=amb_link_361458882_3?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-9&pf_rd_r=0GTQTG59KKDVSHM09BFM&pf_rd_t=1401&pf_rd_p=1354791522&pf_rd_i=1000426311" style="font-family: 'Century Gothic', sans-serif; text-align: left;">DOWNLOAD YOUR <b>FREE KINDLE </b>READING APP HERE</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><b><a href="http://genevievewestmatchmaker.blogspot.com/2013/07/testimonials.html#.UhKfvpLVBRQ"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Click HERE</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></a></b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><b><a href="http://genevievewestmatchmaker.blogspot.com/2013/07/testimonials.html#.UhKfvpLVBRQ">to read what people are saying about West's book:t</a> </b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><b>"<a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=1VAREWAAR04NASKFCFFG&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">It's Your Fault You're Single: </a></b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECYGD0G/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=genewest-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=B00ECYGD0G&adid=1VAREWAAR04NASKFCFFG&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fmrsgwest.blogspot.com%2F">Why You Are Your Own Worst Enemy In Love</a>"</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;"><b><a href="http://genevievewestmatchmaker.blogspot.com/2013/07/testimonials.html#.UgBKCpLVBRQ">Testimonials</a></b></span></div>
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-41877729155421779522013-08-01T17:29:00.001-07:002016-11-22T23:57:28.623-08:00You Will Never Find Your Soulmate<div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://signature26.com/soul-mates-i-call-bs/">Soulmates?... I call bullshit.</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This whole “soul mate” idea that Plato pulled out of his ass is complete bullshit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It’s totally narcissistic to think that our Creator took the time and attention to form another being who’s supposed to be your perfect other half, made just for you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It might be good for selling books or filling theaters where you’re pulling for this couple to finally get together.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But in real life, it’s way easier to find love than that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>“Then WHY am I still single??”</i> I hear you shriek?...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">.... Read more </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">@ </span><a href="http://signature26.com/soul-mates-i-call-bs/" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">Signature26.com</a></div>
Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-24872149747238775762013-07-31T12:20:00.000-07:002016-11-22T23:58:04.957-08:00How To NOT Be An Ass On Your First Date<div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://signature26.com/first-dates-first-impressions/">First Dates, First Impressions</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Here are a few tips to ensure that the first impression you make is not only a lasting one, but a good one:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">....Read more @ <a href="http://signature26.com/first-dates-first-impressions/">Signature26.com</a></span><br />
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-66978762136625430952013-07-30T00:24:00.001-07:002016-11-22T23:58:18.211-08:00Wait On The Lord For Your Spouse... I call bullshit.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">"God has a spouse picked out just for you. You just haven't met them yet."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I call bullshit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Careful who you choose for a spouse, lest you ruin God's will for your life."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I call bullshit. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Oh, you met someone? Have you prayed until you got a 'yes'?"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I call bullshit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Just be patient."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I call bullshit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Stop looking for a spouse and then God will bring them to you."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I call bullshit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What a narcissistic view of marriage.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Confessions of a Genevieve:</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Before we were married, Eric and I prayed for God's will. We even prayed that He would intervene if it was <i>not</i> His will for us to marry.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">We never got a "yes."</span></b><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We just never got a "no."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So, we got married! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Was it God's will for us to marry? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yep! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">How can I say that so confidently?</span><br />
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Because it happened.</span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">God already knew that we would marry. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When God created the world, He already knew that David and Bathsheba would have an affair.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">God was the One Who created life in Bathsheba's womb from that affair.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He knew that David would commit murder in his attempt to hide the affair.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What a freakin' mess!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But God also knew something that they didn't - No matter how much they screwed things up, </span><i><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">they could not ruin his eternal plan.</span></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So from this seemingly out of control, sinful, ugly situation... </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><i>...came Christ.</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We don't have to be afraid of making the "wrong decision" because God already knows we're going to make that choice. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">And through Christ's blood, He already has plans to redeem it and to glorify Himself through it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What are you afraid of?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You have to risk big to win big, so put yourself out there!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Stop "guarding your heart" so fiercely (which, by the way, you need to read in <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%204%20&version=NIV">context</a>), and be open to who God might have already put right in front of you, but you passed them by for some superficial reason.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Does God have a spouse picked out just for you?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He knows <i>exactly</i> who you're going to marry. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I also believe that you would find fulfillment, and even happiness, married to almost anyone, when you do the right things, by God's grace.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Should you be careful who you marry?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Absolutely. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">But not for fear of thwarting God's will. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That's impossible.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Go through Norman Wright's "101 Questions To Ask Before You Get Engaged" and if you don't hate each other by the end of it, then schedule some pre-engagement counseling and go get yourselves hitched!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Be patient? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Patience is </span><span style="font-size: large;">fruit of the Spirit, but that doesn't mean you have to be a wallflower until your spouse-to-be trips over you! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Go out there and get 'em!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Stop looking?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Bullshit. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Get out your binoculars! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Don't look at everyone you see as potential "<a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2013/07/cross-sex-friends.html#.UfIeJo3VBRQ">matrimony meat</a>", but keep a very <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2013/05/all-single-ladies.html#.UfIeWo3VBRQ">open mind</a>. Don't <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2013/07/should-you-dump-his-ass.html#.UfIeOI3VBRQ">pass</a> someone by just because they don't fit into what you pictured. My <a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2012/10/my-husband-is-not-man-i-thought-hed-be.html#.UfIeZY3VBRQ">husband</a> doesn't look anything like what I thought my husband would be, and chances are yours won't either.</span></div>
Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-53393940314281005902013-07-30T00:19:00.000-07:002016-11-22T23:58:28.158-08:00Baffled By Love?<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Genevieve West is a Relationship Consultant, helping you navigate the ups and downs of love, singleness, dating, sex, & relationships.</span></div>
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<b><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">What to expect during your personal consultation:</span></b></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Personal consultations are relaxed coaching sessions with Genevieve West where you will discuss:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">* Your relationship history and relationship goals. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">* Potential obstacles that may cause finding or keeping love a challenge. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">* Action steps you will be responsible for following through on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">* <a href="http://astore.amazon.com/genewest-20">Resources</a> you will be responsible for completing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">* During your follow-up Consultation with Genevieve West, you will discuss your completed action steps and resources, what worked, what didn't work, and how to tailor what you've learned to your specific situation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">* It's imperative that you have an open mind and are </span><span style="font-size: large;">willing to accept positive changes</span><span style="font-size: large;">. </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">* <i>"There is plenty of time to argue with new ideas later. The key is to take careful notes first and debate second." -Jim Rhon</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>* Payments associated with Consultations are for Genevieve West's time and do not guarantee results. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"INSANITY: DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">After all, if what you've been doing was working well then you wouldn't have read this far, ya know?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Payments for Consultations can be paid by cash, personal check made out to Genevieve West, debit card, or PayPal.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">* Genevieve West is not a psychologist or a therapist; a coaching session is not psychological counseling or any type of therapy. Genevieve West is not an attorney, accountant, business analyst, solicitor, or a financial adviser and cannot provide professional advice as to any of those areas of expertise. You should seek the advice of a licensed professionals if you require their expertise. Genevieve West is an individual who may help you identify any areas of concern relating to your personal and/or professional life and formulate possible plans of action or scenarios to resolve any such concerns. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">* The Fees paid by the Client shall only pay for the Services and under no circumstances will the Fee cover any expenses that the Client may encounter during the Introduction or any follow up dates.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><i>If you believe Genevieve West's Consulting Services are a right fit for you, </i></b><b><i>let's schedule your Personal Consultation today!</i></b></span></div>
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<script src="http://signup.ymlp.com/signup.js?id=gbjyshmgmgj" type="text/javascript"></script>Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-79309340270214668032013-07-26T10:49:00.003-07:002016-11-22T23:58:44.972-08:00Back Off!!<div style="color: #5c5c5c; line-height: 21.984375px; margin-bottom: 1.571em; padding: 0px;">
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<a href="http://howyoucanfindlove.com/the-importance-of-personal-space-in-a-relationship/" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">The Importance Of Personal Space In A Relationship</a></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I am the weirdest person to be writing about the importance of personal space in a relationship.</span><br />
<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">If I could, I would be physically squished up against my husband and talking his ear off 24/7, never giving him any personal space. Ever.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Or maybe that makes me the perfect person to be writing this because I had to discover this the awkward “it’s not you, it’s me” way..... </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;">Read more @ </span><a href="http://howyoucanfindlove.com/the-importance-of-personal-space-in-a-relationship/" style="color: #5c5c5c;">HowYouCanFindLove.com</a></span><br />
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2026235518175807888.post-81299720387952417072013-07-25T10:06:00.002-07:002016-11-22T23:59:00.806-08:00My Husband Committed Suicide {Guest Post By Ricci McConnell-Hegland}<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #fff2cc; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">{Guest post by <a href="http://whenyoufeellikelifedealtyouabadhand.blogspot.com/">Ricci McConnell-Hegland</a>}</span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #fff2cc; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>(Click <a href="http://www.mytradesofhope.com/parties/1085">HERE</a> for Ricci's Trades Of Hope <a href="http://www.mytradesofhope.com/parties/1085">Fundraiser</a>)</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #fff2cc; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>(Click <a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=424652">HERE</a> to contribute to <a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=424652">suicide prevention and awareness</a>)</i></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFPWWKK_05b6YthZzX6trU2aC0J69H7KGDMc-rCqOHHt9dQ0gie6v0qgHmpUH-P8Z75YaWl8d4tKmiQ0ACXoWAO1HZ_DMHCqOdx3PTG49r2GvOWx__epEuS43r0IKm3ZzPne9-DLnBK-o/s1600/matt2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFPWWKK_05b6YthZzX6trU2aC0J69H7KGDMc-rCqOHHt9dQ0gie6v0qgHmpUH-P8Z75YaWl8d4tKmiQ0ACXoWAO1HZ_DMHCqOdx3PTG49r2GvOWx__epEuS43r0IKm3ZzPne9-DLnBK-o/s320/matt2.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Three words I thought I would never have to say at such a
young age, and such a short but great marriage are,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #fff2cc; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;"><b><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: x-large;">"I'm a widow." </span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">However at the age of 26 and only 3.5 years of a marriage
under us, those are exactly the words I have to say. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFPWWKK_05b6YthZzX6trU2aC0J69H7KGDMc-rCqOHHt9dQ0gie6v0qgHmpUH-P8Z75YaWl8d4tKmiQ0ACXoWAO1HZ_DMHCqOdx3PTG49r2GvOWx__epEuS43r0IKm3ZzPne9-DLnBK-o/s1600/matt2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">My husband <a href="https://www.facebook.com/findingmattm">vanished</a> without a trace on December 22nd, 2012. For
months we held hope that he was somewhere, either not in his right state of
mind or in his right state of mind and just, for whatever reason, didn't want
to do the family thing anymore. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">On May 24th the detective working the case wanted to come
over and talk. He had something to show me. I knew right after he got off the
phone with me that the news wasn't good. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #fff2cc; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;"><b>My heart fell to my stomach where I felt like it was caught
with the net of knots that was in it. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">The detective came over. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">He had <a href="https://www.facebook.com/RememberingMatthew">Matthew</a>’s laptop bag in his hands. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I knew right away it was his. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I identified it. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">And then the news. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">The horrible, no good news that no wife ever wants to hear: <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><i>"Did you hear about the body that was found on the 22nd?
I'm so sorry to tell you this, Ricci. And I wish it was different, but it's
been confirmed that the body was Matt's." </i><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I did the first natural thing: </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I cried, and cried, and cried
some more. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I felt numb, like I was living in a dream. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I knew when
I woke up that none of this was going to be true. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #fff2cc; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;"><b><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: x-large;">Unfortunately, I was not living a dream but a waking
nightmare. </span></b><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I was numb for a while. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #fff2cc; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><i><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">And pissed off at God! </span></i><span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">How could he let this happen? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">Why didn't he send someone to stop Matt? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">Did God have to be so selfish to take my husband? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">Did he not know how many people would be hurt and lost
without him? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">How dare he let this happen! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">A couple weeks later, someone asked me if I had heard about
the guy who was going to jump off the bridge, but was grabbed by a police
officer. And even before that, had been talked to by a passerby about not
jumping. I was upset that this guy was saved. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">What did he have that Matt
didn't? <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">You see, my husband was not murdered. He did not die of a
natural causes. My husband was so emotionally disturbed and hurt that he
decided the best thing to do was to take his own life. You see, my husband
decided to jump from a bridge, which is why I was so upset when I heard that the
guy was saved. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNlVVxinNZuLBD8Yl7yQaKhHXrRbjoGUZ56yuxv9mKnBc13TAAjfIUdbNYdASFVrGeXWn2bkd7knY4PtDra0vs1SNIgk2YI_czRN-EPd9dEyL3321F5reCX6ahyoijHK55m8mdb4lwrVw/s1600/matt6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNlVVxinNZuLBD8Yl7yQaKhHXrRbjoGUZ56yuxv9mKnBc13TAAjfIUdbNYdASFVrGeXWn2bkd7knY4PtDra0vs1SNIgk2YI_czRN-EPd9dEyL3321F5reCX6ahyoijHK55m8mdb4lwrVw/s320/matt6.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #fff2cc; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;">To be honest, I know suicide is out there. I know people do
it. But I had not thought about it <b><i>since I tried taking my own life when I was
a teenager.</i></b> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">Not many people know that, as a teen, I was a cutter. <b>I finally had had enough and I was going to
end my life. I was not going to leave a message for my family. I was just going
to do it.</b> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">However, I never got the chance. My best friend at the time actually
walked in, grabbed the knife, and told my mom what she had seen. At that time,
I did not know why I was saved. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><b>I knew my husband was struggling, but I did not know he was
depressed. </b>He hid it pretty well, so I thought. I do look back every now and
again and wonder if some of the things my husband did before his death were his
own way of showing his hurts. Despite my husband's suicide and how some people
may think he is a coward, he is not. My husband was the family man, the friend,
the husband, etc.. He will always be known as that kind of man. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">In all truth, but
sadness, did you know that the number one cause for suicide is untreated depression?
</span></b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">80% of people that seek treatment for
depression are treated successfully. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">However, we live in a world where people are so afraid to
tell someone that they are suffering because of what others may say or think of
them. We live in a world where over half of all suicides occur in adult men,
ages 25-65. The reason for that is we live in a society where the majority of
men are taught to be the tough guy-- Don't show your weaknesses. Men are taught
to be afraid to say they need help. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTGk8_NYI3gH_ejsiQdajCg8QDm7eCx8L5rUYvQ5QHIQXWVJuKhqx7HZxGrfpjHLGxJlvIqkSEtcgm5rgvlmDhwkoJjSlMeg0E3c8TyNXhyphenhypheneUL1u5podnNd65zCMtb0KRnIXiveQQFnGs/s1600/matt4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTGk8_NYI3gH_ejsiQdajCg8QDm7eCx8L5rUYvQ5QHIQXWVJuKhqx7HZxGrfpjHLGxJlvIqkSEtcgm5rgvlmDhwkoJjSlMeg0E3c8TyNXhyphenhypheneUL1u5podnNd65zCMtb0KRnIXiveQQFnGs/s320/matt4.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">As I look back on Matt's life, I can safely say that no
matter how much I loved him or was there for him, no matter what, society won
because I am sure that Matt had to have been suffering some way and he did not
want to share with anyone, not even me. So he carried all that pain and
suffering by himself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">People who commit suicide are in so much pain that they just
want it to stop and at that moment in time, they do what they know is going to
end their pain. However, what they fail to see is the pain they leave behind
for everyone else. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Did you know that in
the US a person dies by suicide every 13.7 minutes, claiming more than 38,000
lives each year?</span></b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> Yes 38,000! It is estimated that an attempt is
made every minute, with close to one million people attempting suicide annually.
Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death in the U.S. among adults 18-65,
the second leading cause of death among teens and young adults, and individuals
ages 65 and older account for 16 percent of all suicide deaths. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I know some of you reading this are probably thinking,
"Well, there is nothing I can do." That is where you're wrong! With
that many people committing suicide each year, it is a safe bet to say that
anyone you know could be suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Wondering what you
can do?</span></b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> Glad you asked! If you think someone is
suicidal, begin a dialogue by asking questions. Suicidal thoughts are common
with some mental illnesses and your willingness to talk about it in a
non-judgmental, non-confrontational way can be the help a person needs to seek
professional help. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #fff2cc; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYCUQnNvuTlfjgqbthM7pCPGhsNGpdTxKGXWQAWLLJORN4GUR3l7IIDnJUMOkE-e7eDBRBXdXZz2tG9TzV72il26bgeSXhOk7clZC120wvE8rG4L0BITIYcrWkEoFSeupWe-OB399pOP0/s1600/suicide.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYCUQnNvuTlfjgqbthM7pCPGhsNGpdTxKGXWQAWLLJORN4GUR3l7IIDnJUMOkE-e7eDBRBXdXZz2tG9TzV72il26bgeSXhOk7clZC120wvE8rG4L0BITIYcrWkEoFSeupWe-OB399pOP0/s1600/suicide.jpeg" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Questions that are okay
to ask:</span></b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">"Do you ever feel so badly that you think about
suicide?" <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">"Do you have a plan to commit suicide or take your
life?" <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">"Have you thought about when you would do it (today,
tomorrow, next week)?" <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">"Have you thought about what method you would use?"
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">Asking these questions will help you to determine if your
friend or family member is in immediate danger, and get help if needed. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">A suicidal person should see a doctor or mental health
professional immediately. Calling 911 or going to a hospital emergency room are
also good options to prevent a tragic suicide attempt or death. Calling the
National Lifeline at <b>1-800-273-TALK
(8255)</b> is also a resource for you or the person you care about for help. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">Remember, always take thoughts of or plans for suicide
seriously. Don't try to minimize problems or shame a person into changing their
mind. Your opinion of a person's situation is irrelevant. Trying to convince a
person suffering with a mental illness that 'it's not that bad,' or that they 'have
everything to live for,' may only increase their feelings of guilt and
hopelessness. Reassure them that help is available, that what they are
experiencing is treatable, and that suicidal feelings are temporary. Life can
get better! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">If you have thoughts of suicide, these options are available
to you: <b>Dial: 911 Dial: 1-800-273-TALK
(8255)</b> Check yourself into the emergency room. Call your local crisis
agency. Tell someone who can help you find help immediately. Stay away from
things that might hurt you. Most people can be treated with a combination of
antidepressant medication and psychotherapy. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If You Don't Have Insurance, The
following options might be used: Go to the nearest hospital emergency room. Look
in your local Yellow Pages under Mental Health and/or Suicide Prevention; then
call the mental health organizations/crisis phone lines that are listed. There
may be clinics or counseling centers in your area operating on a sliding or
no-fee scale. Some pharmaceutical companies have "Free Medication
Programs" for those who qualify. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir4BdwjBhVvHYvMUD1793brP1YOkxGu2KcCem_41Pwgrcp0b1XTKfgBFamQez972e28-SP10mqXyIS1AtYreuIMjuUVxvyNH14CaihA7AxXXc8aTyX3wQ9hdrKYovKAdJv4ws5wREEhFw/s1600/matt5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir4BdwjBhVvHYvMUD1793brP1YOkxGu2KcCem_41Pwgrcp0b1XTKfgBFamQez972e28-SP10mqXyIS1AtYreuIMjuUVxvyNH14CaihA7AxXXc8aTyX3wQ9hdrKYovKAdJv4ws5wREEhFw/s320/matt5.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Earlier, I stated I was angry with God. I mean, how could it
be that He took my husband and left me with three young kids to raise on my own?
I can honestly say that, yes, at times I am still angry, hurt, upset, sad. But
all these feelings are normal. They are okay. I can also truthfully say that I
am not angry with God. I am just angry with the situation. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">As silly as it may
sound to some people, I am grateful for the Lord. He embraced my husband I know
that my husband is no longer in pain, he is no longer suffering, or hurting in
any kind of way, and knowing that makes me smile. It makes me happy. In fact, I
picture my husband telling the Lord that he is ready and the Lord telling him,
"It's all going to be okay." <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I know there will be tough days and I know that there are
going to be days where I don't feel like going on. But with the love and
support of my friends, family, and God, I can go on. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">At first I blamed myself for Matt's suicide. If only I could
have been a better wife, seen the signs, met him after work the day he went
missing like I was supposed to, none of this would have happened. But now I
know it's not my fault. It's no one's fault. I do not blame Matt or hate him
for doing this. I love him just as much as I did the day I first fell in love
with him. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I do not think he was selfish. In fact, I think he was being <i>selfless</i>. My kids will know how great of
a dad their father was and his memory will live on, no matter what. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I also stated earlier that back when I was a teenager I did
not know why I got to live. But as life went on, I knew why: It was to be a
wife, a mother, a friend, and now an advocate. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">Ever since I was okay with saying, <b>"My husband committed
suicide,"</b> I have had a calling to bring awareness to others about suicide
and <a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=424652">suicide prevention</a>. I am sad that my husband is gone and he will be truly
missed. But I am excited and ready for the next chapter. The chapter where I
get to take my horrifying story and help someone else. The chapter where I can
tell others that, as crappy as life may seem, there are people here for them. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I thank you for reading this and I hope you have gained some
knowledge on suicide. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">To everyone out there, if no one has told you lately, you are
loved! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">I love you, everything about you, flaws and all.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><br />
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</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvaIzRXAwUbulvLtbhOkOQ1DHOxhD7O57hP5PbnbwasPkZwFLQIaImhD-NCdCAmzC7EbH04Bj8NDo66KaRHXYvqm91DlP3x98nSuPXAsK6WttlicvPodOEICjfo8S_nogyxoFXF8fnulw/s1600/matt3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"></span></a><span style="color: #fff2cc;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvaIzRXAwUbulvLtbhOkOQ1DHOxhD7O57hP5PbnbwasPkZwFLQIaImhD-NCdCAmzC7EbH04Bj8NDo66KaRHXYvqm91DlP3x98nSuPXAsK6WttlicvPodOEICjfo8S_nogyxoFXF8fnulw/s1600/matt3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvaIzRXAwUbulvLtbhOkOQ1DHOxhD7O57hP5PbnbwasPkZwFLQIaImhD-NCdCAmzC7EbH04Bj8NDo66KaRHXYvqm91DlP3x98nSuPXAsK6WttlicvPodOEICjfo8S_nogyxoFXF8fnulw/s1600/matt3.jpg" /></span></a><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="apple-converted-space" style="color: #fff2cc; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Ricci McConnell-Hegland is a stay at home mom to three, who is learning to embrace God's love and embark on a new life of being both mom and dad. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="apple-converted-space" style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="apple-converted-space" style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>"It's a crazy gig, but someone's gotta do it!"</i></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="apple-converted-space" style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="apple-converted-space" style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Ricci's Blog: <a href="http://whenyoufeellikelifedealtyouabadhand.blogspot.com/">When Life Gets Rough</a></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="apple-converted-space" style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.mytradesofhope.com/parties/1085">Trades Of Hope Fundraiser for Ricci</a>:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"> <a href="http://www.mytradesofhope.com/parties/1085" rel="nofollow nofollow" style="cursor: pointer; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 13.59375px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">http://www.mytradesofhope.com/<wbr></wbr><span class="word_break" style="display: inline-block;"></span>parties/1085</a></span></div>
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<i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;"><a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=424652">American Foundation For Suicide Prevention</a> </span></i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDZYOH_NLLzWHwbBsa2RZv0ND2L2jezi-98Nf2Y0-cf5wtJw6Z8H6qwl1qF9x9q2fMz6U27iRLTcYxA4fJ6ihzymZwPOK9vk3piqtr_JTNe3vOaOQw5Mq2SrockoNoUYgdIyfvnGBaR5c/s1600/matt.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDZYOH_NLLzWHwbBsa2RZv0ND2L2jezi-98Nf2Y0-cf5wtJw6Z8H6qwl1qF9x9q2fMz6U27iRLTcYxA4fJ6ihzymZwPOK9vk3piqtr_JTNe3vOaOQw5Mq2SrockoNoUYgdIyfvnGBaR5c/s200/matt.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;"><a href="http://mrsgwest.blogspot.com/2013/07/i-am-widow-my-husband-is-dead-2-samuel.html#.UfCqU43VBRQ">"I am a widow; my husband is dead."</a> </span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc; font-size: large;">By Genevieve West</span></div>
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Genevieve Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08484873732812206564noreply@blogger.com