You Made Love Leave

She poured every ounce of her soul into loving you. She would have stood by you and loved you forever.

But you couldn’t take it. Pure Love was too much for you. But instead of finding healing for yourself to be able to accept Love, you left her.

You left her for years. Decades even. You left her in a thousand little ways every single day. You left her in such big, undoable ways that no one would have blamed her for leaving you back. But she stayed. And is he loved hard enough to make up for what you couldn’t give.

She stayed because that’s what Love does. She turned towards you because that’s what Love does. She held you while you confessed and cried because that’s what Love does. She saw her partner in distress and she loved you and she stayed.

And in repayment for her affection and steadfastness, you made her cry. You broke her heart. You broke your vows. You broke your home. You broke your promises. You broke her hope.

You didn’t believe you could be so thoroughly loved. You were always waiting for Love to leave you like everyone else did. You needed to prove yourself right and so kept pushing her away by your choices. When she needed you, you left her in a thousand little ways over and over again every single day. As she was choosing you, reaching for you, you were choosing to turn your back to her and step just out of reach.

You slammed the door in Love’s face. Over and over again. You made sure to break trust so thoroughly so many times that even Love couldn’t take it anymore eventually.

Love was so lonely and needed to be reminded that she was also worthy of love. So after decades of turning towards you while you pushed her away, Love finally turned away from that door you had slammed in her face to see what she could see.

That’s when you dealt the final blow. As if finally choosing to love herself was the proof you were always looking for that she, too would leave you.

And you burned the house down on your way out when you broke the hearts of your babies by leaving them, too. You needed to show your children that Love would leave them too. Because that’s how generational trauma works. You made Love leave.

#9 who needs furniture?

A couple weeks before we were to leave Billings, friends of ours were kind enough to let us stay a night at their home in Bozeman so we could view as many affordable apartments as possible before Eric had to be back at work. We saw some pretty interesting places. 1980's everything pink including the carpets. Shag carpets. 1960's kitchens. A bathroom with nowhere to put a lightbulb. I don't want to know what that stain came from. Do they expect people to shower in this thing? Floors that had so much give I was expecting to see Eric fall through the floor at any moment. There was one place where I refused to let Kaylie out of my arms because I didn't want her touching anything. And then Eric showed me the apartment just 3 blocks away from the Paul family, who had been such blessings to us and good friends since we moved to Montana. I walked in the door and laughed. Everything was white and clean and new, a fireplace, a bar, a balcony, 3 big bedrooms, including a m...

#11 Hardwood Floors, Terrible Neighbors, & God

Confessions of a Genevieve: I hate blogging. It's like a journal that everyone can read. I've always hated journaling, too. I kept a diary once when I was 12. But most of the stuff in there was made up anyway. Apparently, my life was even boring to me. The only reason I started this blog was because it's what God wanted me to do. I wasn't too concerned with regularly updating because I figured it had served it's purpose: I had been obedient in telling what the Lord had done for us. ... But He hasn't stopped doing for us. I've just stopped telling about it. I've also been reluctant to post a continuation of our story because I wanted my heart to be in the right place first: We had terrible neighbors. No matter what time of day or night we would walk across our own carpeted apartment floor in stocking feet, they would scary bang on the ceiling. Apparently, having kids in a 2nd floor apartment with partiers living below isn't such a great ...

My Kids Are Going To Be So Messed Up

WE'VE MOVED! Please visit us at our new home: GenevieveWest.me I am SO not the perfect parent. My kids will attest to that. This week, I read a facebook post complaining about moms complaining on facebook (Say that 10 times fast). I'm sure that it wasn't specifically directed at me because I'm so inconsequential in the life of this person. But it kicked me in the gut anyway. I started wondering if I'm a bad mom. I was overcome with guilt every time my kids asked me to "look, mom!" or "will you?" But not in a good, fruitful way. Not in the way I re-start paying attention, soaking in every detail of each one of my babies after reading a story like Ronan's . Even with a more-than-usual work load of writing commitments looming over me, a new workshop presentation just days away, a sink full of dishes , and a mountain of laundry , and only an accumulative of 8 hours sleep the last two days, I made sure the kids at...

Fifty Shades of Christian

Yes, I've read Fifty Shades of Grey . And I am a Christian. I'll wait a second for the shock to pass... ...Ya done? A couple of disclaimers: First, I strongly encourage people to be discriminating about what they're putting into their heads. There are certainly some things I've read or seen that I wish I could un-know . Second, I want to be very careful that folks don't think I'm suggesting they read these books, 'cause I'm certainly not. That said... I've read several articles and blog posts on Christian's reactions to the "50 Shades" trilogy. Descriptions like "mommy porn" and "trap of Satan" come to mind. The world is watching to see how Christians engage with real, uncomfortable, and messy issues. If we are shocked by a little erotica for the ladies and trying to make the readers feel ashamed and judged, how are we to be trusted by someone who is in a BDSM relationship?...

Genevieve C. West

Search This Blog