You Made Love Leave

She poured every ounce of her soul into loving you. She would have stood by you and loved you forever.

But you couldn’t take it. Pure Love was too much for you. But instead of finding healing for yourself to be able to accept Love, you left her.

You left her for years. Decades even. You left her in a thousand little ways every single day. You left her in such big, undoable ways that no one would have blamed her for leaving you back. But she stayed. And is he loved hard enough to make up for what you couldn’t give.

She stayed because that’s what Love does. She turned towards you because that’s what Love does. She held you while you confessed and cried because that’s what Love does. She saw her partner in distress and she loved you and she stayed.

And in repayment for her affection and steadfastness, you made her cry. You broke her heart. You broke your vows. You broke your home. You broke your promises. You broke her hope.

You didn’t believe you could be so thoroughly loved. You were always waiting for Love to leave you like everyone else did. You needed to prove yourself right and so kept pushing her away by your choices. When she needed you, you left her in a thousand little ways over and over again every single day. As she was choosing you, reaching for you, you were choosing to turn your back to her and step just out of reach.

You slammed the door in Love’s face. Over and over again. You made sure to break trust so thoroughly so many times that even Love couldn’t take it anymore eventually.

Love was so lonely and needed to be reminded that she was also worthy of love. So after decades of turning towards you while you pushed her away, Love finally turned away from that door you had slammed in her face to see what she could see.

That’s when you dealt the final blow. As if finally choosing to love herself was the proof you were always looking for that she, too would leave you.

And you burned the house down on your way out when you broke the hearts of your babies by leaving them, too. You needed to show your children that Love would leave them too. Because that’s how generational trauma works. You made Love leave.

Why Columbia Pool Matters to North Portland Families

UPDATE: There will be a press conference at Columbia Pool at 10am at Monday January 13, 2025. Neighbors and concerned citizens are encouraged to attend. For generations, Columbia Pool has been more than just a place to swim—it has been a cornerstone of community health, safety, and connection for North Portland. As a lifelong resident and parent, I have experienced firsthand the devastating impact of its closure. My oldest daughter Evie swam for Roosevelt High School’s team, then worked as a lifeguard and swim instructor at Columbia Pool. Her younger sister Kaylie joined a swim team when she was just seven. But my youngest children, Ellie and Blake, have never had the opportunity to learn to swim. The closure of Columbia Pool and the limited access to other public pools—combined with overcrowding and hour-long bus rides to reach them—make it almost impossible for families like mine to teach children this essential life skill. During the summer, we’ve made the trek to Matt...

An Open Letter To Officials Serving North Portland, Oregon

UPDATE: Please join the community for a press conference Monday 1/13/25 at 10am at Columbia Pool An Open Letter To Officials Serving North Portland, Oregon, I am writing to you in outrage and with profound disappointment over the permanent closure of Columbia Pool in 2023. This decision is not just a matter of budgetary convenience—it is a blatant example of racism, ableism, and socio-economic discrimination. The closure of this vital community facility disproportionately harms the most vulnerable populations in St. Johns and North Portland. It perpetuates systemic inequities and sends a clear message: marginalized communities are not a priority. Racism in Public Service Allocation St. Johns, one of Portland’s most racially diverse neighborhoods, has consistently been underserved. As of 2019, ZIP code 97203, which encompasses St. Johns, was 63% white—lower than Portland’s overall 71%. Black, Indigenous, Latino, and immigrant residents make up a significant portion of the population her...

Eff this. I'm going back on Zoloft

Last December, I wrote a post called The "D" Word ( which you can read here ) about my depression. My doctor, my husband, and I decided to try Zoloft . After just a few days, my husband noticed a difference in me, even before I did. It's now August, and for the first time in my life, I really like who I am. I like who I am! I feel like I've finally become the Genevieve I was supposed to have been all along. I can think more clearly. My writing just flows out of me. I can pray. By God's grace, I can sense The Spirit even more clearly. I'm happy with my body just the way it is. I don't feel like every little not-good thing throughout the day, from dirty diapers, to tantrums, to bank statements, to haters, compound one on top of another, sending me spiraling into a funk. I was genuinely fearful of stopping Zoloft, afraid that I'd go back to the place where I was when I started it. But, thanks to Jon Acuff's ST...

Evil Lisa Loeb and the Chinese Dive Bar

A post-coitus craving for Chinese food led my husband and I to Happy House Chinese Restaurant and Lounge , where their website boasts, "Happy House Happy Bar Happy Food Happy friendly People!" As we approach the weather worn entryway and sticker-clad front door off the parking lot, I realize I need to adjust my expectations. This is not a date night destination kind of place. This is a neighborhood watering hole where North Portland folks come to get more-bang-for-their-buck Chinese food. We place our To Go order in the bright restaurant portion with a petite, soft spoken woman with silky black hair and a sweet smile. We decide to wait with a drink in our hands, so we walk through a set of saloon doors leading us to the noisy, dark lounge. Video poker screens light the path to the bar where the lone bartender sports a messy bun, red lumberjack flannel, and modern, thick, cat eye glasses. Her hardy laugh glides over the noise and stands out. "She's like an evil ...

Genevieve C. West

Search This Blog