Friday, August 16, 2013

Men: be a woman, but with a penis.

Dear Men,
(Contrary to popular belief, if you have a penis then you are, in fact, a MAN.)

Our culture tells you that you're not necessary, that women can do everything without you (even have babies), to be more sensitive, and to not fight, even to defend those you love.

Our culture has told you to be a woman, but with a penis.

Our church culture loads you up with all sorts of unbibilical responsibilities under the title of "spiritual leader." Go to work all day to provide for whatever standard of living your family is accustomed to, be gentle, loving, never get angry, to wear pressed khakis, and sit in pews with floral print every Sunday and sing Jesus-is-my-boyfriend songs.

Our church culture has told you to be a woman, but with a penis and extra obligations.

How exhausting!
No wonder Christian men don't want to get married! 

I call bullshit.

When God created Adam, He said, "It's not good for the man to be alone." So He made the perfect helper for him -- Eve.

God didn't make Adam jump through hoops before He presented him with Eve. God knew Adam needed help to be who he was made to be, so ta da! Eve. 

Christians, we have all these young men running around burning with passion because they're not at the place in their lives that we have arbitrarily decided they "should" be before they take a wife. 

And instead of helping them out, the church just says, "don't have sex."
That was helpful.

My husband waited three years before asking me to marry him because he had things he wanted to accomplish before he got married. 

The thing is, he never did any of those things. 
A wife and kids weren't keeping him from living his dream. 
He was keeping himself from it.

Since we've been married, my husband has told me countless times that he's only been able to accomplish what he has in his business, personal life, and spiritual walk because he has my love, support, and encouragement -- my help. 

Men, don't wait until you've cleaned yourselves up before asking the girl to marry you. 
God gave Eve to Adam as a helper. 
You know, to help him. 
Not to mother him, not to be his subordinate, but so they could be a team, moving in the same direction together, with a common goal. 

How about this: Become the man who God created you to be, and find yourself a woman who will encourage you to do just that.

Men, you don't have to be like the uber manly pastor who says "You're not a real man if you don't do like me."

And men, you don't have to go to the other extreme and emasculate yourselves by denying your manliness. 

God made men to be different from women.
God gave you attributes that are unique to YOU. 
I hope that you choose a women who will help you grow in those, instead of trying to squash you to be someone you're not. 

Go to the scriptures yourself and see what a man is "supposed" to be and do. 

Checking out 1 Timothy 3, even the overseers of the church body are pretty much told, "just don't be assholes." 

The qualifications for elders and deacons conspicuously leave out all the extra obligations that, in my experience, churches put on regular men during every father's day sermon. 

You were created in God's image and you were bought with Christ's blood. 
This makes you worthy just as you are. 

Click HERE for The Manly Man Conference
In case you haven't heard this lately... 
You are good enough. 
You are manly enough.
You are masculine.


Dear Ladies, 

Don't think you're getting off the hook on this one.
Quit telling these guys to "be better, do more, try harder." 

If you don't like how he's being the "spiritual leader" of your home, then you'd better check your heart with God and go get yourself a new definition of what it means to be a "spiritual leader."

Stop looking so hard at what he is and isn't doing right and let's take a good long look at that log in your eye, honey. 

If your guy is a good guy, but you're finding that you always have to nag him, then the problem in your marriage is NOT your husband, sweetie. 

Quit talking to your husband and start working out your discontentment with God. 
Click HERE for the Butt-Kicking Woman Conference

Pray until you feel peace about whatever-it-is before you talk to your man. And then build him up with his love language and initiate some great sex with the guy before you even think of nagging. K?

Here are a couple of great blog posts by some folks I really respect: