Genevieve C. West

A writer needs to write 4/21/2017 Part of me is afraid. Im afraid that if I start writing again, really writing, that the floodgates will open and I won't be able to close them. That I'll be too overcome with emotion and grief that I won't be able to pull it together to function for my kids. This fear is not unfounded. I've experienced this sort of debilitating grief twice before. The first time was in 2003, when my 18 year old sister, Cassie Brown, was murdered. I covered my agony with anger for months. And once I started crying, I couldn't stop. The second time was when I was pregnant with our third child, Ellie. Third child, but fourth pregnancy. When we lost Hadassah around 12 weeks gestation, I distracted myself so that I wouldn't have to feel the loss of my baby. It wasn't until we become pregnant with Ellie six months later that it really hit me and I came to a halting stop while I mourned my baby that I will never meet here on earth.