Thursday, May 9, 2013

All The Single Ladies

Rule #1 if you insist on reading past this point: Don't get pissed. 

Don't become defensive and have an argument in your head with me, or worse - go into a rage and write a comment full of colorful expletives for all to see. If one of these categories really gets under your skin, chances are that it's because it hit a nerve and I hope you pray on it.

You've been warned. 
Proceed at your own risk:

Does it seem like everyone around you is getting married and having babies and you secretly (or not so secretly) hope that you'll be next?

Small problem: You're still single!

You could keep telling yourself that you just haven't found the right one who appreciates you for you...
Or we can take an objective peek at why you might still be single so that when a good man comes along, you won't get in your own way and miss out on the love of your life.

1. Are you a woman who knows what she wants? 6' tall, dark hair, six figure income, marathon runner. No matter how long or short your laundry list of must-haves is, you'll never fully appreciate a man for who God created him to be if you're busy comparing him to your list. NIX THE LIST. The only things on your list should be their character and their values. When his values align with yours and his character is worthy of respect, you might have found a catch!

2. As a modern single woman, you're at the center of your own universe. It doesn't matter how many critters call you "mama", or how often you volunteer at the soup kitchen. Your world revolves around you. Your career, your workout schedule, your sleep. You can't help it, YOU'RE SELFISH. In fact, even if you think you're NOT selfish, marriage (and then motherhood!) will prove otherwise. I promise. Try being more interrupt-able. Stop being so fascinating and try listening more, talking less, and asking more questions. 

3. Do you have a very strong or dominant personality? Are you passionate about politics or a cause? Are you really great at setting firm boundaries? Are you highly intelligent and enjoy debating or sharing opinions? Chances are, men are mistaking those qualities for ANGER. Try to tone it down a bit. Don't play dumb or compromise healthy boundaries, but try adding a little sweetness and humility to your tone and see how it goes.

4. There's not really a delicate way to put this: STOP HOOKING UP. Oxytocin is the enemy. Google it. When you give yourself physically, even if you're not going "all the way", Oxytocin makes you think the jerk you're making out with is your Prince Charming. Before marriage, sex is your secret weapon: When you tell him that you want to wait and he respects your choice, he's a prince. Even if he's not YOUR prince, the man deserves your respect. On the other hand, if he keeps pushing a little further, or if he gets all aggro when you say stop, the guy's an ass. Save yourself future heartache and move on, honey.

5. The guy you're goo-goo for doesn't want a relationship but he's fine with a booty call and you're all like, "yeah, me too", hoping he'll see the awesomeness of you and you'll be the one to make him change his mind. First of all, STOP LYING TO YOURSELF, and to him. Second, see #4 above. Oxytocin, baby. Seriously, go Google it.

6. Maybe you're making minimum wage, trying to land a doctor. Maybe you're 40, trying to attract a twentysomething. You rely on public transportation, but want a man who drives a car... preferably a new, shiny one. Sweetie, I suggest you stop being a JUDGMENTAL HYPOCRITE and start looking at the man's character qualities instead of the superficial. 

7. Are you trying to MARRY UP? I know that might sound harsh, but why are you looking for someone who isn't your equal? You don't need someone with a better job, higher income, better looking, or more fit. You need the right fit for YOU. Stop being a fish trying to marry a bird. Chances are, you're overlooking the perfect fish for you while you're busy trying to keep your scales from showing. You ARE good enough. Just the way you are - for the right guy. Find someone who will see that and bring out the best in you.

Was I too hard?
Don't be mad.
I hope you understand my heart is for you to find the love of your life, and to live happily ever after with him. 
If a little tough love has to happen in order for you to have your happy beginning, then so be it.
Now go find you a prince!

A great read:
By Dr. Kenneth Ryan