Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Eff this. I'm going back on Zoloft

Last December, I wrote a post called The "D" Word (which you can read here) about my depression.

My doctor, my husband, and I decided to try Zoloft.

After just a few days, my husband noticed a difference in me, even before I did.

It's now August, and for the first time in my life, I really like who I am. 

  • I like who I am!
  • I feel like I've finally become the Genevieve I was supposed to have been all along.
  • I can think more clearly.
  • My writing just flows out of me.
  • I can pray.
  • By God's grace, I can sense The Spirit even more clearly.
  • I'm happy with my body just the way it is.
  • I don't feel like every little not-good thing throughout the day, from dirty diapers, to tantrums, to bank statements, to haters, compound one on top of another, sending me spiraling into a funk. 

I was genuinely fearful of stopping Zoloft, afraid that I'd go back to the place where I was when I started it. But, thanks to Jon Acuff's START Experiment, I decided to punch that fear in the face and, under my doctor's supervision, wean off of it. When I announced it via facebook to the START community, I was literally shaking.

What a hot mess that ended up being!
I think my facebook status update said something like,
"Eff this. I'm going back on Zoloft."

But it doesn't have a hold on me any more. 
I'm no longer fearful of stopping Zoloft, when the time comes.
(It was never supposed to be a forever thing, and I don't want to be on it if we become pregnant again)

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy this Genevieve.