Friday, September 21, 2012

Social Taboos & Baby Showers... I call bullshit.

What was a "social norm" is now archaic.
What was "taboo" is now acceptable.

But the same is NOT true for baby showers...
And I call bullshit.

Why is it still a faux pas for a mom-to-be to plan her own shower?

Baby showers are evolving:

They used to be hen parties, but today's men are getting in on the action, too - and rightly so, since without them there would be no baby!

"Couple's Baby Showers" and men's "Poker For Pampers" are becoming more common.

Veteran moms are foregoing "Showers" and are opting for "Baby Sprinkles" or "Blessingways" since they already have the essentials.

Eco-savvy moms-to-be are relying on the internet for invitations, RSVP's, and even "Thank You" notes, which I'm sure my Aunt Vivian will eventually have a stroke over.

So with so many Baby Shower norms being broken, why am I holding to some antiquated rule that says I can't throw a party to celebrate my own baby's life just because she's still in utero?

After all, I planned my own wedding.
I plan my own birthday parties.
I plan all of my kid's birthday parties, too.
Because LIFE deserves to be CELEBRATED!

I only have 2 weeks before I'm due to give birth to this wonderful little parasite who's sucking the life, energy and youth out of me. 

So I Googled throwing my own baby shower and I was saddened by how many moms-to-be who are silently waiting for someone to offer to plan a Baby Shower because they're afraid of what other women will think of them if they do it themselves. 

I'm all for tradition, but when a social norm starts injuring feelings and breaking hearts, then I think it's time to throw it out, like so many others before it.

I also realized something about my friendships during all this:
When a friend of mine is expecting, I assume that someone she's closer to will offer to throw the shower. 
And if I never get a shower invitation then I assume it was a small event and that I didn't make the cut. It NEVER occurred to me before that maybe she just didn't have a shower and was as sad as I am right now.

Honestly, I didn't expect a baby shower for our third daughter!
Brace yourself, here's another taboo: talking about a miscarriage and a baby shower in the same sentence...

Because we lost our baby Hadassah, I spent most of this pregnancy not in excited anticipation, but in anxiety and sadness.
It somehow felt wrong to celebrate Ellie's upcoming arrival when I hadn't even acknowledged Hadassah's life or death at all.

After Eric helped me get some closure, I'm finally excited about welcoming Ellie into our family!
And it feels wonderful! 

So celebrating my growing belly and Ellie's life has become about so much more than a baby registry or pastel decorations. 

A "Baby Shower", for lack of a better term, is all about being thankful for this season of carrying our baby, and about cherishing Ellie for who she is.

I don't want to wait until she's born - she's alive right now!

And I want her celebrated.

So, no offense to Emily Post, but this mama will be planning her own baby celebration... even if I do only have two weeks before my due date...
No pressure...

"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use." -Emily Post